Another New Job

I got a new job. Again? Right. I'm now a lactation nurse (training to be a Lactation Consultant) at the same hospital I've been working at since January. So let's call it a department transfer instead of a new job, because that sounds less jarring. Although in fact, it has been the least jarring of all the new job transitions I've had in the last two years: Birth Center, NICU at a Missouri hospital, new mom, NICU at a Kansas Hospital, and now this.

This new job requires a bunch of work upfront: 70 CEUs in addition to the Breastfeeding Educator Certificate I earned in 2012, another job orientation, an international board exam, and the costs that come with all of the above. But the payoff will be huge. Working toward being a Lactation Consultant (a nursing specialty at my hospital) is a really good fit for me right now. No more night shift, no more getting cancelled due to low census, no more going 24 hours without seeing Noah. A more predictable schedule with slightly shorter shifts is a God-send. I love the NICU and always will, but working there PRN was not the right fit for me. I missed the relationships with the parents that you can only form when you're the primary nurse there day in and day out. I hated being the random nurse they'd never seen before. I didn't like feeling uncomfortable around sicker babies, since I wasn't taking care of them as often.

Transferring to the lactation department was a no-brainer. I mean, I'm a nursing mom. This IS what I do for a living. Why not get paid to help other moms do the same?

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Lactation Cookies

Sorry, not sorry about the title there. I'm still nursing and while the insatiable hunger and thirst of those early days is long gone, there are still some days where I can tell I really need to ramp up my intake. Enter: cookies, of course.

These are dense and hearty, and based off of another recipe I use and love.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Lactation Cookies
makes 2 dozen cookies

1 cup pumpkin puree
1/4 cup maple syrup
1 flax egg (1 Tbs flax + 3 Tbs water) or 1 egg
1 tsp vanilla 
1/4 cup softened coconut oil (butter would work, too)
2 cups rolled oats
2/3 cup almond meal
1/3 cup coconut (shredded, dried, unsweetened)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl combine the pumpkin, syrup, egg, vanilla extract, and coconut oil. Add oats, almond meal, coconut, cinnamon, salt, and baking powder and mix well. Stir the chocolate chips in. The dough isn't as sticky as normal cookie dough, so a cookie scoop works wonders here. If you don't have one, form Tablespoon-sized balls of dough to put on a lined cookie sheet and flatten with a fork. These cookies don't really fluff up, but that's okay!

Bake for 12-15 minutes.

Which Camp are You In?

There has been a lot written on Mommy Wars. I haven't spent a lot of time or energy delving into the subject because honestly, being a mom has flat-out humbled me. I was a really good mom before I became a mom, right?

My doula was on the local NPR station recently discussing vaccines. (A doula who is PRO-vaccine? Right up my alley!) She has a background in microbiology but her current career is spent helping women navigate a healthy pregnancy and delivery, often in the most low-intervention way possible.

When discussing vaccines, she mentioned in passing that some "anti-vaxxers" haven't actually investigated the subject, but feel pressure (internally or externally) to conform to a mode of parenting, and declining vaccination is a way to fit into the "natural childbirth/attachment parenting" camp.

And then I realized why I struggle to discuss parenting choices with people. They always seem to say something that doesn't sit right with me (and vice versa, I'm sure). Note: these things are not usually something I passionately disagree with, but something that I know in my gut isn't a good choice for my family.

Yes to natural childbirth, and yes to childhood vaccinations.

Yes to the chiropractor, and yes to Prilosec for baby's reflux.

No to bed-sharing, and no to cry-it-out methods.

Yes to breastfeeding, and yes to introducing solids at 6 months.

Yes to cloth diapers, and yes to disposable wipes.

Yes I work 12+ hours a week, and yes I stay home with my baby Monday through Friday.

I'm absolutely not having a pity party. I know there are other moms like me out there. If anything, having a foot in both "worlds" helps me empathize with both sides. But it also confuses me. So much information. So many opinions. So much more to motherhood than I thought.

Back to Work

Thirteen weeks off of work is a complete luxury. So luxurious that it balances out the ludicrous stress of 100% unpaid "maternity leave." BUT I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and I feel really good about the part-time hours I'm working for now. SO thankful to have flexibility in my career.

That being said, 13 weeks felt never-ending when it started. I don't really sleep for more than 3 hours at a time yet, so it certainly hasn't felt like a vacation, but my return to work flat-out SNUCK UP on me. Rude. It actually came a little sooner than anticipated. My manager texted me at the end of August saying, "by the way, one of your certifications expired and you need to renew it before you can work again." Oops. So Noah and I went to a 5-hour STABLE class the first Tuesday of September. It was actually a nice way to ease back in.

Then, Saturday night came. My parents were in town and helped Ross out a lot over the weekend! But I still didn't take a nap beforehand because this kid doesn't do naps in general. Also, I was super anxious. Then 4pm came and I was EXHAUSTED and so SAD and I just started sobbing. Poor Ross. "Me going back to work means Noah is OLD! It's going too FAST! I can't stay awake ALL NIGHT! I'm so TIRED!" Seriously. Every one of those feelings was legit and heart-wrenching.

But I got dressed. ("Last time I wore scrubs I was in LABOR!")  (Although these particular pants hadn't fit me since the first trimester. Yay!)

Thawed milk for Noah to eat overnight. ("He was so little back in July!")

Packed my extra bags so I could pump.

And said goodbye to my favorite tired baby.

The whole drive to work, though, I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. I was fully clothed, I had my badge, my lunch, my water bottle, my pumping stuff, and my purse. Oh but wait. I don't have my BABY. He's only been coming to work with me for the past year!

I missed his post-coffee dance parties. I missed rubbing my belly out of habit as I walked down the hall. It was weird. But it went okay. I think eventually I was too tired to be sad. By the time I got home and went to bed, I'd been up for something like 30 hours and of course, the last full night of sleep I got was 3.5 months ago, so there's that. But we did it. I got lots of sweet, sweet grins from our bald baby when I got home, and Ross survived a night of solo parenting.

Can't ask for more than that!