The Best Made Plans...

...of mice and men, often go astray. I am no longer going to India on a mission trip this February. Although to be fair, it was never the best laid plan on my part.

In a nutshell, I had switched to my married name everywhere except on my passport. I didn't need my passport this fall (after all, I've only been outside the United States 3 times!), and then I was lazy and waited until after the holidays to get around to it. However, the February 11 departure date looks a lot closer from this side of December! I ran around last Friday morning (after working all night) getting a new passport picture (and going back again for a zoomed in version), gathering all the necessary paperwork, and waiting in line at the Post Office. I paid an arm and a leg to expedite the thing, but the lady behind the counter said I still might not have it in 4 weeks in time to get a Visa. (FYI, the trip was only for 11 days but apparently you need a Visa any time you go to India for any reason).

The passport stress combined with night shift stress/paranoia/breakdown combined with the fact that I'm really only now getting normal-sized paychecks again led me to send several panicked e-mails to the mission trip coordinator. Apparently, I'm very convincing when I'm having a breakdown because she said she no longer felt that I should go on the trip and she'd try to find some other nurses who were interested in going. I told her that was probably a good idea. If another nurse wanted to take my place, great! If not, then I'd hope and pray that my passport arrived in time.

This past Monday was the last day to change names on the plane tickets, and the coordinator found someone to take my place. After all my panicking, I suddenly wanted to cry. For some reason, I know lots of people who have been to India lately and I keep hearing about it! Now I'm really upset I'm missing this opportunity. It makes me feel sick to know that I was thisclose to going to India. For $2100! (Actually, subtract my $800 scholarship from that-- even better!).

Now all my worries about the timing of the trip keeping me from getting into a routine here after the holidays and back on a budget seem trivial. Now I'm thinking it'd be so great to get away from this goshdarn ARCTIC COLD come February when everyone's ready for spring. I never studied abroad, I never traveled after graduation, I should have taken such a great opportunity and not wimped out just because the timing isn't perfect, right?!

Which brings me to my question, how do you know this is God's way of talking to you, and how do you know you made the wrong decision/avoided making a decision to the point that it was made for you?

By the way, my brand new Passport arrived on our doorstep yesterday. And it only takes 1 week to get the Visa.

Quote of the Day

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves, like locked
rooms and like books that are now written in a very
foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot
be given you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions
now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it,
live your way into the answer."
—Rainer Maria Rilke

Also a few minor updates:
-I am DEFINITELY going to India this February, after some wavering over the decision due to financial constraints. However, the Lord provides and the woman in charge of the mission is so convinced I need to be there that she has been fundraising on my behalf! I applied for the Christ Chapel scholarship and got it, so with that and a CCBC doctor's donations, I'm already up to $800!
-STILL no word from grad school.
-Ross has started orientation with Old Navy.
-My best friend from high school (and fellow Horned Frog), Emily Gilmore, lives in Connecticut now and we have been commiserating about how much we miss Fort Worth. We also need something to get us through the dark winters "up north" so we're going to start training for the 2011 Cowtown Marathon. 26 miles for our 26th birthdays! (Hers is in December 2010 and mine is in April 2011, so the marathon in February will be in the middle). I'm very thankful that Ross is willing to work out with me, and Emily has a gym 2 buildings down from her apartment, so we'll keep each other motivated from afar.
-Speaking of Horned Frogs, what an amazing week! This weekend's game had the biggest crowd in TCU football history AND in ESPN Gameday history. What a bad time to have just moved AWAY from Fort Worth! Can't wait to see the BCS polls tomorrow.
-And speaking of moving, my friend Brittnye pointed out that tomorrow makes ONE MONTH IN KANSAS already. Whew!

Missions

Night shift makes me very contemplative, but it dampens my thought process at the same time. Tonight is the last night of five 12-hour shifts in a row. That means 60 hours of work in 5 days, during which most people were asleep! (I don't know how some people work 60 hours a week, every week). I'm exhausted, yet it's weird to think that when I'm off work, I have absolutely NO plans. How do you fill a day when you don't have school or kids or pets? How do you make a day useful/valuable/worthwile instead just watching re-runs to pass the time? Life is such a wonderful gift and I can't tell you how many days I have spent just "passing time"! It's kind of depressing.

Right before we moved out of Fort Worth, Christ Chapel was talking about a medical mission trip to India this spring. I really wanted to get involved, but with the move I didn't think I should try to be a part of a group residing in another state. However, the organizer contacted me this week saying they were desperate for more nurses! I'm going to apply for the "scholarship" and hopefully go to India February 11-21. I'm so excited! I'd been looking into Mercy Ships and Doctors Without Borders. I've been a nurse almost 2 years now. It's time to use my skills and my blessed education for a greater good.

Speaking of education, we're still waiting to hear from grad school. I can tell Ross is getting very restless and he's also frustrated that he has a college degree and can't find a job! If anyone has connections in KC, we'd be so grateful. He wants a job in the architecture/design/art realm, but at this point any job will do.

We have a lot going on right now and it's hard to put all of it into words. I often read something and it will strike a spark of recognition in my mind: 'yes, that IS the idea I was trying to form into words!' Therefore, I basically collect quotes. Here are a few that apply to my life right now.

*Tough times never last, but tough people do.*
-Robert H. Schuller

*Babies are such a nice way to start people.*
-Don Herrold

*Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate*
-Captain Jack Sparrow

*Of course, we all inevitably work too hard, then we get burned out and have to spend the whole weekend in our pajamas, eating cereal straight out of the box and staring at the TV in a mild coma (which is the opposite of working, yes, but not exactly the same thing as pleasure).*
-Elizabeth Gilbert

*Who knows whether we have come into the kingdom for such a time as this*
-Esther 4:14

*For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin-- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. Happiness is a Journey, not a Destination.*
-Alfred D. Souza