One Week Later

Yes, I ran a half marathon a week ago today. Yes, I'm still stiff and sore. And yes, I've gotten two runs and a yoga class in this week. To some, that may not sound like a lot. Especially since my weekly mileage was a grand total of 4.1 miles. But to me, that's encouraging. With traveling, work, and a legit excuse not to run, I'm so glad I did anyway. It's perfectly acceptable to take a week off after an endurance event. I gave myself every permission to do just that. But I actually started to miss working out. It is my antidepressant, after all.

Before I sign up for my full marathon, I'm committed to getting into better running shape. I'm hoping to eliminate walking breaks, get better at stretching after every run, and doing a little bit of strength work every week. Thanks to all the pictures of me running last weekend, I've noticed that when I get tired, I have a pretty dramatic hip swing (hurting my IT band) and heel strike (cramping my hip flexors and hurting the hamstring tendons in the back of my knees). Stronger accessory muscles will improve my stride, my running efficiency, and eventually my speed!

From late March 2010 to September 26, 2010 I ran 200 miles. From September 26 to November 28, I ran 122 miles. Whew! That's quite an increase. I'm looking forward to working on running economy instead of increased mileage for a while.

Gobbler Grind 1/2 Marathon

It's been almost exactly a year since my friend Emily and I set out on a 2-3 mile run/walk in Omaha. We alternated running 1 minute and walking 1 minute.  Today, we ran our first 1/2 marathon! She got into Kansas City Saturday afternoon and my parents took Emily, Ross and I went out to lunch. Then Ross peer-pressured Emily and me into going to the Upper Crust for dessert, despite the fact that we were stuffed.

Carbo-loading

Emily and I then spent the rest of the afternoon picking up race packets and driving the race course.

Timing chip: time to make history!

This morning we got to the race start, waited in line for the porta-potties, snapped a few photos, and then, without further ado, the race began.

15 minute porta-potty line

Ross and me before the race

with Dad

with Mom

We had great spectators: my mom and dad, Ross, and Emily's mom were all cheering for us out on the course. Ross was a spectator extraordinaire, popping up in random places with his big smile and his purple TCU shirt (Emily and I are both Horned Frog alumni).

Nervous! I like how we each have one earbud in, too.

 

During the first 5k

The weather report kept changing the week before the race, but we ended up having great weather! 50-60 degrees and cloudy, but no rain. The only thing that could've been better was if the wind wasn't blowing at 15-20mph. But most of the time we were between enough tree cover it didn't matter. It did matter, though, between miles 6-8 when we were running uphill into a headwind.

Emily looking good after mile 6, when the uphills and headwind began

Happy to see Ross at the halfway point!

I took Cliff Shots around mile 4, mile 7.5, and mile 10. And I'm so glad I brought my water bottle because the water stops were few and far between. Mile 3-4 was rough for me because that's when we left the spectators and got on the trail. Reality sank in and I felt a little overwhelmed. It was so great to see Ross around mile 6.5 because I knew I was halfway done and I also needed a little boost headed into what I knew would be a tough few miles. It really wasn't that bad, though, because Ross kept popping up every 0.5-1 miles between miles 6.5 and 9. It made the time pass quickly.

Emily booking it.

Me finally headed into the downhill/tailwind portion!

When I hit mile 10, I felt pretty good and started to speed up. Some great songs came up on my iPod shuffle and the end was near. I may have sped up a little too soon, because by mile 11 my quads were complaining and my legs were getting pretty tired. I took it easy for 5 minutes and then started to psych myself up again.  

Then at mile 11.8, I just lost all my wind. A runner had collapsed and the paramedics were doing CPR. Chest compressions and everything. I wanted to throw up, cry, hyperventilate, and quit. I felt so superficial for worrying about my finish time and I just wanted to go find that man's family. I think the entire "pack" I was kind of running in felt the same way. Suddenly lots of people were walking.

But that last mile I realized the only way I could stop running was just push through to the end, so I did.

Emily's awesome finish

My finish. Sort of. Apparently I quit running at the marathon finish and not the half marathon finish. Lame.

I had a hard time pushing myself after seeing someone needing CPR and somehow, even though I only finished 2 hours ago, that's my most vivid memory from the race. When I did finish, everyone was congratulating me and was so excited and I just broke down. Not because I was so happy to be done or so overwhelmed with our accomplishment, but because it's all I had wanted to do since seeing that runner on the ground surrounded by paramedics.

I realize I have no control over that man's fate, and I'm not sure what the outcome was. All I can do right now is be so thankful that I am surrounded by such selfless people (standing outside for 2 1/2 hours on a cloudy, windy November morning is not most people's idea of a good time). Mom, Dad, Ross: I can't emphasize enough how thankful I am that you were there to cheer me on and I know that whatever I do, you'll be there to support me. I hope I am able to return the favor! And Emily, WE DID IT!

13.1 miles- conquered!

What Running Means to Me

(Or, why I'm not running the Cowtown Marathon in February).

What running is:

1.) An antidepressant.

2.) An encouragement. This is not to say that I expect to feel wonderful before, during, and after every run, but the good runs should at least outweigh the bad.

3.) A stress-reliever.

4.) Motivation. At age 25, I'm still young enough to strive for improved times and distances. Running is an activity that drives me toward new personal bests. Training for a race can help me push myself and realize that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. Like I said, not every run is great, but every time I safely push myself through a bad run, I grow a little stronger mentally and physically.

5.) A reminder to exercise moderation in all things.

6.) A way for me to find a "new normal" that's more healthy and balanced than I have been in the past.

7.) Fun! A race, when you're adequately prepared, is a great celebration of training and hard work.

What running is not:

1.) Punishment. 

2.) A way to "make up" for eating too much the day before.

3.) An "excuse" to binge eat afterward.

4.) Another stressor.

5.) A way to measure myself against anyone else, for better or for worse.

For today's run, I had this quote in mind courtesy of Dale Carnegie: 

 

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. 
If you want to conquer fear, 
do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Last night, I had a really stressful dream in which I kept encountering hurdles that kept me from going on my 13 mile run today. But I did not sleep through my 7am alarm, I did not eat a 5 course breakfast, and there was no snow on the ground (thank goodness)! All of these things happened in my dream, but I woke up feeling okay and the weather was beautiful. I read that quote and realized I just needed to get out and do the darn thing, and I'd feel better about it.

13.1 miles later. (The layers are for my ice bath, not my run in the 60 degree sun!)

That ended up only being part way true. This was a long long run, mentally and physically. I don't doubt that I can finish the Gobbler Grind half marathon in 13 days, but I do have doubts that it's going to be an awesome celebration of my training like my 10k was in September. 

I've really only had 4 "long" runs (over 5 miles) since the 10k: an 8-miler, a 10-miler, a 12-miler, and today's 13.1 miles. I would say that's irresponsible of me, but for the most part my lack of long runs is not due to me just being lazy. Depending on the week, I've been out-of-town, almost-injured, moving, and dealing with asthma. 

I don't mean to list these as excuses, and I really don't see them as such. Since my goal in becoming a runner is to create a healthy, life-long habit, I have to accept that I'm not always going to run exactly what's on my training plan. In fact, given the circumstances, I'm pretty proud of myself! I have increased my weekly mileage slowly and steadily. I know I'm not over-training. Yet I don't sleep well at night, I don't recover quickly, and I feel like I'm getting slower. I don't know if it's the weather, the new apartment, or what, but my asthma has been getting worse again and it's time to pay a visit to the doctor and figure out what's going on.

I really didn't mean for this to be another self-indulgent post. I guess typing this out helps me organize my thoughts, though. Today's run was only 1 mile longer than last week's long run, but it took me 20 more minutes to finish! That's actually not bad considering I had to resort to a run 5 minutes/walk 5 minutes the last 5 miles because I couldn't catch my breath.

I still plan on running 26 miles to celebrate my 26th birthday! The race will probably just be closer to home and closer to my actual birthday. I need a few good months of healthy running before launching into a marathon training plan.


Something for me to think about: There once was a man who cried because he had no shoes, until he met a man who had no feet. 

Your Life is Now

**Please excuse what I'm sure will be an excessively verbose post written in a haze of 

post-run euphoria. Read at your own risk.**

I really needed today's run! I felt a little guilty leaving the last bit of heavy furniture moving to Ross and my cousins to go run for 2 hours, but I really wanted to run, felt good enough to run, had perfect running weather, and needed to catch up on my training plan.

I only ran 12 miles total last week and ran that same amount all at once today. However, I am realistic enough to suspect that last week's unplanned "taper" certainly attributed to my mental and physical ability to run today. (And 5 days of Prednisone to calm my asthma back down certainly didn't hurt).

My legs were not extremely fond of me when I woke up this morning, thanks to all the stairs we did while moving yesterday, but I took it as a good sign that I was still chomping at the bit to run. Actually wanting to run has been a struggle for me lately.

I decided to run from the apartment to the Plaza. I knew the route and wouldn't have to second-guess trails ending, unknown elevation, etc. There were definitely rolling hills (my Garmin says about 1200 feet of total elevation change each way) and traffic, but I got out early enough to beat most of the traffic, at least.

The first 1.5 miles flew by (I don't know if I've ever said that in my life) and it felt so good to run without wheezing! I was just focused on getting to 4 miles (to take my Cliff Shot) and not thinking beyond that, lest I get overwhelmed. I had a great playlist of songs from high school, which helped a lot. I walked 1 minute for every 5 minutes of running, per usual, although it seems like every other 'walk' break actually involved me standing still and stretching my legs out.

I took that first Shot and was loving the sunshine and beautiful weather by mile 4. My hands were numb from cold, but that was my only complaint. I made it to the Plaza and did get a little overwhelmed when I turned around, realizing that was the farthest away I could possibly be and if I had to quit or walk, it'd be a LONG morning from there. Miles 6-8 were kind of rough, especially because traffic was getting worse and I was on a stretch with no shoulder or sidewalk (really, Kansas City? Be more pedestrian friendly.) I kept changing my stride to keep my legs warm and chugging along.

I took my second Shot right after mile 8 and definitely needed it. My legs were getting tired. I also wanted some more water then, too, but had to ration. (I was carrying a water bottle as I ran. I'm so glad I had it and it's an easy bottle to carry, but now my arms are sore. Lame!)

Shortly after that, I was cruising into familiar territory again and I knew I had a nice neighborhood and a downhill to end with. But first I had to climb back up into the neighborhood. Mile 11 was definitely the hardest. My legs were getting really stiff and heavy, and oddly getting cold which didn't help the stiffness. I got a pain behind my right knee and started to get worried.

Thankfully, John Mellencamp's "Your Life is Now" came on and energized me.

...This is your time, to do what you will do

Your life is now

Your life is now

Your life is now

In this undiscovered moment

Lift your head up above the crowd

We could shake this world

If you would only show us how

Your life is now...

I have been getting overwhelmed thinking about marathon mileage and training, and doubting weather I want to do it anymore. But this song reminded me, "if not now, when?!" It's something I've wanted to do for so long, and I'm slowly starting to think I CAN actually do it. (At least, a half seems totally attainable. Even doable in 2 hours and 30 minutes which is my goal!)

That song was just what I needed to dig deep, speed up a little, and finish strong! I'm so thankful that my breathing was pretty comfortable during today's run. That allowed me to just focus on my form and avoid further injury. I know I'm cutting it close with a busy week of work coming up and a few more long runs before I taper my half marathon, which is in *GULP* twenty-one days! I'm hoping today's run was a good step in the right direction!

'Roid Rave

I took 2 days off from exercise, stretched a lot, tried to eat more protein, and still had a rough run today. Don't get me wrong, my knees felt a lot better and my quads are getting there, but I was still so slow.  Yet I chalked the run up as a success because I finished, and went about my day. I kept repeating a line from the Desiderata in my head: "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter. For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself." My running is my running. My training plan is my training plan. Keep chugging away, and it'll be okay. (I'm glad we're training "together," Emily G., but your workouts completely intimidate me and here I am getting slower instead of faster!)

But as I ran errands, I noticed that my throat was still pretty constricted. I have asthma, so it takes time to breathe normally after a run- but never several hours. I went up to the hospital to get my Tuesday allergy shot and went ahead and told the nurse there. I had noticed my asthma getting worse in Chicago, but when I still felt cruddy after we arrived back in KC, I just assumed I was fighting a cold this past week. DUH, I should know better!

I'm very compliant with my asthma meds and I've been stable for a year now. I almost never even need my "rescue" inhaler, let alone further treatment. But when my family was in Egypt a few years ago, the pollution was so bad that I spent New Year's Eve on a Nile Cruise hacking up a lung. I think it took 2 1/2 weeks of Prednisone to finally breathe normally after that. Chicago wasn't nearly that bad, but it was still noticeably harder to breathe when we were walking through downtown at rush hour.

Anyway, I always have to exhale into a peak flow meter before my allergy shot. I usually measure about 520 but today it was only 410 (78% of my "norm"). Most doctors wait until peak flow deteriorates to 70% or below to treat, but I told them that when I wait until the symptoms reach my chest and I start coughing a lot, it takes several courses of steroids to fix it. Thankfully, they took my word for it and I obtained my first Prednisone prescription of 2010. I think it's been about a year since I took the last round, which is impressive for me.

I have a love-hate relationship with 'roids (as Ross loves to call them). They shoot my blood sugar sky-high and they weaken my bones (I've taken so much Prednisone in the last decade that I have osteopenia). But oh, I love being about to breathe again. I sleep better, run better, heck even talk better when the inflammation goes down. I'm starting to get hoarse and cough more tonight. I'm SO glad I took my first tablet this afternoon. Hopefully I'll avoid the worst of the attack.

Today I'm so thankful that I have medical care, and that my problems are easy enough to treat with an old (and therefore inexpensive) medication. And I'm especially grateful that most of the time, I can breathe so well I forget I have asthma!

Snap Out of It!

I felt like I was on top of the world last week after running 10 miles in Chicago. This week? Not so much. I know there are so many worse things going on in the world; I encounter these things every time I go to work. I have friends struggling with much bigger hurdles than marathon training. I know this. Yet I'm still feeling a little blue.

I feel like life has been non-stop since September started. And here we are over halfway through October. How did that happen?! All I know is, I'm so tired. I don't want to pack up our apartment and move in 10 days. (I don't know if it's better or worse that we're moving across the street in the same apartment complex). I don't want to look at my race training schedule. I don't want to cook a healthy dinner because it means a messy kitchen. I don't want to go to work. By the time we unpack and settle into our new apartment, the holidays will be upon us. I don't see things slowing down until March. And that thought exhausts me.

Maybe it's because I'm exhausted in general. I have been fighting a head cold all week and have not been sleeping well. Running, after a glorious high point last week, has gone rapidly downhill (figuratively, unfortunately, and not literally). I ran about half the miles I was scheduled to this week- culminating in today's "11 mile run" that turned into a lousy, windy, humid, sweaty, achy 4 miles.

My legs are tired. My heart is tired. My head is tired of mental running games. I'm starting to dread runs. I wake up feeling like I "have" to get this certain run in, instead of feeling strong and confident and WANTING to go running.  I'm questioning whether or not I actually want to sign up for the marathon. The whole point was to get in shape and after almost a year of consistent exercising, I feel like I am almost there. Do I really need to run an insane 26.2 miles to prove it?


I still alternate running 5 minutes and walking 1 minute for most of my runs, and definitely for anything over 3 miles. I really loved the 10k last month and I'm already looking forward to March when I can quit the long distances and instead work on speed and eliminating walking breaks. (I say March because, inevitably, I will still sign up for the marathon in February hoping that I get out of this funk by then).

If you asked me a year ago if I could run 10 miles, I would have laughed in your face. That was the high school Therese who could run like that. But last Friday, I was on top of the world. There are a lot of things I don't miss about high school, but being in good shape is one thing I do miss. Senior year, I could go out and run for an hour at a time without thinking twice. Maybe someday I'll get there again. Today if you asked me if I could run 10 miles, I would still laugh in your face! My legs felt like deadweights all day and my knees are creaky.

What I'm hoping helps in the next few weeks:
-starting my beloved Bikram yoga again next week
-today's ice bath (I should probably start making them a weekly occurrence)
-lots of sleep
-stretching with the foam roller every day (I think a tight IT band is what's making my left knee hurt)
-vitamin C and zinc (to get this cold out of my system)
-lots of fruits and veggies to aid in physical and mental recovery

Tonight, I'm relaxing on the couch and eating the Pumpkin Ginger Snaps I just made. (Thanks for the reci"pea" Sarah!)

Pumpkin Gingersnaps

makes 20-24 cookies

• 1 c. whole wheat pastry flour + 1 c. unbleached all-purpose flour
• 1 T. ginger
• 2 t. baking soda
• 1/2 t. baking powder
• 1 t. cinnamon
• 1/2 c. butter at room temperature
• 1/2 c. canned pumpkin
• 3/4 c. organic sugar + additional 1/4 c. for rolling
• 1/4 c. molasses

In a medium bowl, combine flour, ginger, baking soda, baking powder and cinnamon.  Set aside. Using an electric or stand mixer, cream together butter, pumpkin, sugar and molasses. Gradually add flour mixture to wet ingredients, mixing until a dough comes together. Chill dough for at least an hour.

When dough is chilled, preheat oven to 350 and pour remaining 1/4 c. of sugar into a shallow bowl. Roll heaping tablespoons full of dough into balls. Roll each ball in the sugar until completely covered. Flatten cookie dough balls slightly and bake for 8 minutes or until edges are set.  Do not overbake. Cookies will seem soft, but allow them to cool on the pan for 1-2 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

 Now if only I could learn to be thankful for everything even when I'm under the weather, like this blogger is!

From 1 Minute to 10 Miles

*Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, 

you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.*  

-Mark Victor Hansen

Last Friday I completed my first double-digit run since high school. And only the 2nd or 3rd in my entire life! I ran on the trail along the lake in Chicago and I'm thankful I had Navy Pier to distract me for the first third of my run. It seems that the most daunting part of a long run is the first few miles. When you've been running for 5 minutes, realizing oh man I have 9.5 miles to go... is not the most encouraging thought.

So I turned my thoughts to other things. I was alternately excited, worried, zoned-out, questioning my sanity, and euphoric.  "Excited" and "euphoric" were in short supply and really only filtered through my mind the first 5 minutes and the last 5 minutes of the run. The rest of it was, to be honest, uncomfortable. I was running s l o w l y so the miles seemed to be taking forever to tick by. The wind off the lake was chilly and my legs got stiff and sore pretty quickly.

I started to wonder why I was running a marathon. My mileage only goes up from here. My first official half marathon is one month away and that seemed scary enough. But, by the end of the run, I suddenly felt great and capable of anything... including 13.1 miles!

I finished my run at the Buckingham Fountain and the glitter off the bricks added to my euphoria. I couldn't help but smile. Gosh darn it, I'd just run 10 miles!

As I finished my run, I discovered another love song that now applies to running. "White Flag" by Dido came up on my iPod and it was a great song to finish with:

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

(I keep putting random playlists on my iPod and when I reach a song like this that gives me more energy, I move it to a marathon playlist. I'm hoping that listening to all the songs I've loved and that have improved my runs during training will help with nerves on race day.)

I didn't quit. I ran 10 miles! I'd say "if I can do it, anyone can," but I hate it when other people say that. Instead I'll say this: If you are reading this and you want to be a runner but you're afraid you can't do it, try. And then a few days later, try again. You'll never know until you try. 

A year ago, I had just traded my friends, my amazing workplace, and a city I loved for night shift at a new hospital and a long, dark, cold winter. I felt like I had no control over anything in my life, so I started running. One minute at a time. 

I'd run one minute and then walk for 2 minutes. It took the full 2 minutes for my wheezing to stop and allow me to catch my breath. I'd do this for 20-30 minutes and call it a day. After a week or two, I decreased my walking so I was running 1 minute and walking 1 minute. Once that was comfortable, I upped my running to 2 minutes and continued to walk 1 minute. I worked up to 3, 4, and 5 minute intervals. Each week I started a new interval, you can bet I was staring at my watch waiting for the moment I could walk again!

It took me 7 months to run 3 miles without stopping, and 8-9 months to increase the mileage of my thrice weekly runs above 3 miles at a time. I still have some really bad workouts. I continue to struggle with motivation, the occasional aches and pains, and proper fueling. But I'm SO GLAD I started running.  When you have a good run, there's no better feeling in the world!

Just What I Needed

After all that talk yesterday, I fell asleep on the couch instead of going out for a run beneath the brilliant blue fall sky. But I was so tired mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Today I told myself that I'd go out for a few miles, focus on my posture, and run how I felt. Apparently I felt like my tail was on fire. I ran the second mile in 9 minutes and 22 seconds! The song that made the difference between mile 1 and mile 2? Beautiful by Christina Aguilera (don't judge!)

Yesterday I really needed a nap. Today I really needed a run. Sometimes I talk about running toward something or away from something. Today I was definitely running away from something. I was running away from the guilt of not running the miles I should have this week. Guilt from not volunteering to work overtime when the NICU admitted triplets and two other babies last night (will our census ever normalize?!). Guilt from not being the perfect housewife and keeping our apartment clean all the time.

A good run usually involves good music, good thinking time, or all the stars aligning to obtain that elusive runner's high. Today's run involved good music and led to good internal dialogue:

You have no self control. You ate too much cookie dough yesterday and too much pumpkin bar batter today.

You are beautiful.

You're eating like you've been running all week, but you haven't earned it.

You are beautiful.

You are so unproductive on your days off.

You are beautiful.

You are such a hypochondriac when you get any little ache or pain.

You are beautiful.

I am not sure where I first heard this, but when you're talking badly to yourself, you're supposed to imagine saying that same thing to a child. Would you say it to your 5 year old self? No? Then why on earth are you saying it to your 25 year old self? 

I really regret getting so down on myself in high school and college. I was doing the best I could at the time and beating myself up all the time didn't help matters. Likewise, I know that in 5 years I'll look back and be so sad at the way I talk to myself some days. I love how the Desiderata puts it: Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

My name is Therese. I love to bake and lick the bowl afterward. I like to run slow and pretend I'm fast. I like to write things out to clarify them, even if no one else reads it. I like to lay in bed reading Harry Potter while my awesome husbands makes pancakes. I like to take care of the tiniest human beings, even though the "work" part of my job overwhelms me sometimes. I am beautiful.

Far from 7th Heaven

I had a 7 mile run planned for Saturday. I got all ready and managed to psych myself up even though it was the last thing I wanted to do after my busy stretch of house-sitting, traveling to and from Omaha, and working 3 shifts in a row.

The first 3-4 miles were okay, besides the fact that I was going a full minute/mile slower than I did in my 10k the week before. But I think I was unknowingly setting myself up for injury.

You see, I've had a side-stitch for about a week now. It's been waking me up in pain at about 5am most days, but once I'm awake it hurts the least when I'm hungry right before a meal, and hurts the most about an hour after eating. And, as I found out, it hurts more when I'm running. It hurt so much that I was running hunched over without even thinking about it. It hurt so much that it caused me to hurt my left back, hip, and knee by running with bad form.

At 6.4 miles, I literally could not run another step or something inside my left knee was going to snap. I walked the rest of the way home, slowly and dejectedly.

Part of me knows that 6.4 miles is absolutely amazing and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I'm darn proud I made it that far! But I'm mad at myself because my back and knee still hurt. And my side-stitch hurts just enough that I really don't want to go through that all again on a run today.

I've been putting my run off all day, and I can't decide if my back of my side hurts more.

BAH. Sob-fest over. Sorry for whining. I'm going to cover 3-4 miles somehow today, be it running or walking. Anything is better than nothing. It's a beautiful day. I am just waiting for the cookie dough I  ate to digest and the Advil I took to kick in. Then it's onward with half-marathon training!

Perfect Day for a 10k

Note to self: Remember this feeling. This is what it feels like to set a goal, train appropriately, and exceed your own expectations! It helps that this morning presented us with perfect running weather (50 degrees and mostly cloudy) and a great course (gently rolling hills, but more or less downhill for the second half).

My dad decided to run the Omaha Marathon 10k today, too, and my mom offered to be a spectator extraordinaire and wake up at 5am with us.

I couldn't stop smiling for the last 0.2 miles of the race this morning! I hit mile six, saw that I had a gradual downhill to the finish line, and I started accelerating. I passed the one girl in front of me at the time and strode through the finish line grinning from ear to ear!

My unofficial finish was 6.25 miles in 1 hour 4 minutes and 37 seconds. We'll see what my chip actually says. This race was perfectly distanced- every mile marker was spot on with what my Garmin said (I just stopped the distance and timer a bit after crossing the finish line).

I don't think it's facetious to say that this was the best race of my life! I'm only competing with myself, so to finish below my goal time and feeling great is all I could ask for.

10k: September 26, 2010 done!
1/2 Marathon: November 21, 2010
Marathon: February 27, 2011

Edited to add:

The official results are up and we did great!

My dad wanted to finish in less than an hour and he was SO close... 1 hour and 8 seconds! He came in 6th out of 13 men in his age group. I'm so proud of him!

I was hoping for sub-70-minutes (with a pipe dream of sub-65) and I officially finished in 1 hour 4 minutes and 29 seconds. 40th out of 89 women in my division. Placing in the top half?! Not too shabby for me!

P.S. The first place half-marathoner finished shortly after us in 1 hour 9 minutes. I can't imagine running that fast.

Not all Runs are Good

Today's run managed to NOT be an epic fail for one reason and one reason only: I finished the 6.2 miles I set out to do.  I did not finish fast, even though there were fewer hills than I'm used to.  My legs did not feel good afterward, even though I hadn't run since last Wednesday. My water break was more helpful than hurtful, since it gave me a sidestitch for the last 2 miles.

I could attribute it to the fact that I haven't been eating well lately. Lots of unhealthy treats (are they still treats when you eat multiple ones in place of healthier food at meal times?) and not enough vegetables.

I could blame the fact that Ross and I are housesitting/babysitting so I'm not sleeping in my own bed, eating my own food, or living in my relatively allergen-free apartment. When I wake up with sore knees, hips, back, and shoulders, I know the mattress I've been sleeping on is too hard. Starting a run with aching joints is not encouraging.

I forgot to get my allergy shot last week (September is flying by!) and I need to refill my Sudafed. The 80+ degree sunshine and what felt like 80% humidity was a killer icing on top of this allergen-crazy-house + absence-of-allergy-shot-and-asthma-medicine cake. (I also forgot my Xopenex inhaler, which could have helped pre-run).

I felt GREAT the first two miles, pushed through to three, and then basically fell apart. My pace went from 10-minute miles to 12-minute miles. My hips and knees were complaining. I would've carried a scythe if it would have cut through the humidity and allowed me to breathe easier.

But I came home and took an ice bath.

+

And then a long, hot shower.

I was tempted to call it a bad run and make 1,000 excuses, but:

a) not all runs are amazing. That's the nature of the beast.

b) A year ago, I could barely run 2 miles in run-2-minute, walk-2-minute intervals, so this run is still a success. It's the longest I've run since senior year of high school and I'm proud of that fact! I always considered myself a runner, even during my years-long lapse in running, but now I'm proving it to myself again. (What does that say about me? Hopelessly optimistic or naively ignorant?)

c) Running is a surprisingly equal-opportunity sport. The only person you can fairly compete with is yourself. And despite my whining and grumbling, this run was actually (shockingly) only a minute slower than my goal of 70 minutes. I just need to even out my pace a bit for next week's run.

I'm running my first official 10k next Sunday and I'm so excited! Each long run makes my marathon dream more real. I've started and stopped marathon training twice. Once was in college when I was going to run the Dallas White Rock Marathon with Team in Training. (Hence the shirt I'm wearing in today's picture). I feel really bad about this one because I raised all the money I needed to (thanks to generous friends and family) but about a month into it, I got shingles and a month after that, I got viral pharyngitis. My doctor said no marathon. Something (nursing school, no doubt) was messing with my immune system and stressing my body more would make it worse.

The second attempt was last summer. Ross and I were really getting into it and suffering through long, hot runs after work (it helped that I got out of work earlier in Texas. It also helped that we had a trail system in our backyard). But then we found out we were moving the same weekend as the marathon I'd signed up for and I quit. I could've kept running, but I didn't. This year, I did. I ran through night shift, I ran through terrible heat waves, I'm running through hills since I don't have a gym membership, and I'm oddly looking forward to running through cold and snow (please feel free to remind me of this when I complain later).

And this year, one bad run isn't going to get the best of me!

Something to think about: Need motivation? Check out this video that's gone viral lately: All you have to do, is do it.

Someone Called Me Fast!

Ross and I ran 5 miles this morning.  I felt good and the weather was, for the most part, cloudy and about 65 degrees. I beat last week's 5-mile time by 2 minutes! You know how they say that if an experiment is "repeatable," it's more valid? That's how I feel about my longer distances right now. If I can do it 2 weeks in a row, it's not a fluke!

The BEST part of the run, though, was when we passed a mom with a little girl in a stroller after turning around at the halfway point. The little girl pointed at us and said "fast!"

I'm learning to love hills. At least on out-and-back runs. After all, what goes up must come down. And I found a route that ends on a downhill! I heard this quote in high school and fell in love:

Can I butcher it and say, "I am not afraid of hills, for I am learning to run my race"?! Two weeks until my 10k!

Inspiration Board

Growing up, August always meant back-to-school shopping and browsing through catalogs at all the knit sweaters, plaid skirts, and warm tights. Every school year was a clean slate. Well, we're already into September (how did that happen?!) but I still think fall is a chance to start fresh.

Even though I'm no longer in school, I really needed to do something about my mindset. You see, I love fall. But fall means winter is coming. I do love parts of winter: the silence of the first snow, cozy sweaters, lots of hot chocolate and hot tea, sitting in front of the fireplace at my parent's house... but it all gets old after a month or so. I'm dreading going out to my car in the sub-freezing temperatures to go to work. I'm dreading hiking to my car in the dark after a long day and having to scrape the windshields. My little car doesn't handle icy roads well, and neither do I. Come January, I'm ready for SUNSHINE and WARMTH.

Inspired by another blogger, I decided to make an inspiration board of things to work towards in the next 6 months. You see, it's only September. I'm getting too far ahead of myself. And I have a lot to look forward to this winter. Like Gina said, "Fall is the perfect time of year to re-evaluate your goals and see where your priorities lie before the year ends."



Here's a look back at my 2010 Resolutions:

1) Pray daily with Ross again 
FAIL. But there's no time like the present to renew a resolution.

2) Find a church 
I think we've decided on Redeemer Fellowship. Now we just need to become regular attendees. It's taken me a long time to realize we will not find a carbon copy of our Ft. Worth church in the middle of Kansas, as ideal as that would have been.

3) Stick to a budget and use cash for most day-to-day purchases 
Most months, this is a success. Traveling a lot (and using 2 days of PTO) messed this up a bit in July and August, but for the most part we're doing well and even putting money into savings every month.

4) Make friends in my new city
This is taking so much longer than I'd hoped, but I'm finally starting to get out more.

5) Do yoga once (or more) a week while training for the Cowtown Marathon in February 2011
Yoga is not financially viable year-round right now, but I have been consistently training for a 10k this month, a 1/2 marathon in November, and the marathon in February. Come November, I'm excited to work Bikram Yoga into my training schedule again.

6) Eat at least one serving of fruits or vegetables at every meal
This has definitely improved in the past year, thanks in part to healthy living blogs I've started reading. It's good to see other active young women with a balanced mindset toward food. Also, the CSA has been a great source of local vegetables and new flavors. This summer I started to aim for 5+ servings of produce a day, but even on my lazy/low-grocery days, 3 servings is pretty standard.

7) Laugh more
I'm starting to smile more (some days it's fake it 'til you make it) and I'd like to think I'm more pleasant on a day-to-day basis, although I've noticed that my mood can be directly related to how tired I am.

8) Read more
I'm ashamed to admit that I read the Twilight series in 5 days this spring and I read all 16 books of the Stephanie Plum Series this summer. It takes me no time flat to read guilty-pleasure books. Now I've moved on to The Autobiography of Saint Therese of Lisieux: The Story of a Soul (the saint I was named after) and The Happiness Project (which was actually written by a Kansas City native).

9) Cook more
Given the fact that I've posted enough recipes here to justify a recipe page, I think it's safe to say I'm cooking more! 

10) Play more
Still a work in progress. I need to spend less time on the computer and more time enjoying the sunshine while it's still here.

Here's what I want to/plan to do in the next six months (that's from the beginning of September through the end of February):

1) Run a 10k, half marathon, and marathon (in case I haven't said that enough)!

2) Buy a 3 month Bikram pass this November and go at least once a week.

3) Cross-train/lift weights twice a week.

4) Continue to eat as locally as I can, even as the CSA dwindles and I rely more on frozen organic veggies and less on fresh produce. (This includes the more specific goal of taking Ross to Nebraska City this fall to pick apples, stock up on apple butter and homemade jam, and enjoying the local, seasonal bounty and the essence of being outdoors in the fall.)

5) Spend more time thanking God for the life he has given me, and loving God as much as my little heart is capable of.

6) Spend less time on the computer, get outside more, and sleep better.

7) Start saving more money for a new car (hopefully it lasts more than 6 more months, but it's time to start saving more in anticipation).

8) Attain my RNC certification. I'm taking a 3-day study course in October and plan to take the computerized test before December 15 (the day I graduated from nursing school in 2007).

I have a few other exciting goals for the next 2 years, but those are for another inspiration board another day!

If you read this far, thank you. I'd love to hear YOUR goals for the next 6 months as well! To quote Gina again, "Things don’t happen by accident- they’re always the result of hard work and the most meaningful goals are the ones that are not-so-easy to attain."

High Five

I love my legs! Look what the did for me today:

 5.11 miles in 57 minutes on hilly terrain around my apartment. I finally feel like my 10k in 2 weeks in doable. (My not-so-secret-now time goal is 1 hour 10 minutes).

After 10 months of running, I finally feel like I'm running toward something instead of away from something! Thank you endorphins.

5 miles, baby!

Thought for the day: "Hills are speedwork in disguise." -Frank Shorter

Today Was a Good Day

Just waking up in the mornin' gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No chirpin' from the locusts, no pain
Sunny ev'n though tomorrow calls for rain
I got my grub on, but didn't pig out
Got a call from Johanna wants to hang out 

Lookin' forward to lunch as I hit the do'
Happy to be off work another twenty-fo'

Had to stop at a red light
Lookin in my mirror and not a cop in sight
And everything is alright
I got a text from Merrell, 'bout a wedding in November 

When I last saw her I can't remember.
Went to the dog park with Jo, Tag, and Toby

Had a Sheridan's sundae for dinner
Got my books in the mail, feel like a winner

 
I got to sleep in and I ran a 5k
I can't believe, today was a good day

(For best results, rap to the tune of Ice Cube's "Today Was a Good Day." But don't look up the real lyrics. Please. It's a terrible song and I'm ashamed I even know parts of it.)

Change the way you see, not the way you look

If you watch Oprah or Good Morning America, you may have already heard about Operation Beautiful this summer. I heard about it because the author, Caitlin Boyle, also writes one of my favorite blogs: Healthy Tipping Point. In honor of her book being published, she dedicated a week of blogging to discussing how women need to change the way they see themselves, instead of focusing so much on hating the way they look.

Spring Break 2006

It's almost embarrassing to talk about this, because I'm 25 and married. I have a good job and a good life. Yet put me in front of the mirror for too long and I'll go crazy. Most days, I don't wear makeup. Some people would mistakenly think I make that choice because I'm so comfortable in my own skin. In fact, it's because when I really try to do my makeup and hair for a special occasion, it never turns out the way I had hoped. I get discouraged and end up feeling less attractive than I did before putting effort into my appearance.

I am slowly learning to see the merit in dressing up and feeling better about myself (a 'fake it 'til you make it' approach). But most days you'll either find me in my scrubs, workout clothes, or sweats with no makeup, and my hair in a ponytail.

Amarillo 2007

I'm big on negative self-talk. It's a habit I've been trying to break ever since I started reading positive blogs like Caitlin's, but it's a long process. It doesn't help when I work with all women. As a group, we are catty. We gossip. Not only are we not supportive of each other as often as we should be, but we're often not supportive of ourselves.  It breaks my heart when I see a friend struggling, yet I think nothing of beating myself up for my supposed flaws. I'm an intelligent woman. I know this doesn't make sense. But how can it stop?

Part of my answer is seeing that other women have moved beyond it. Many of the blogs I list as my favorites are more than just food blogs. These are women my age writing about being healthy in the real world-- physically and MENTALLY. They are not diet blogs. These bloggers bake amazing cookies with real butter. They train for and run ultra-marathons in addition to working full-time jobs. They publish books at the age of 26. It's amazing what you can accomplish when your mind and body work together instead of against each other.

Colorado 2009

I took a picture of my own Operation Beautiful note this morning and actually thought, "maybe I should put makeup on to cover this huge pimple on my forehead and the circles under my eyes. I look gross." But then I caught myself in the middle of negative self-talk! Ashamed, I took the picture and walked away.

Ross didn't know this was my handwriting. Boys.

Afterward, I went to my friend Tiffany's apartment to do a ballet DVD. She's the one who got me into ballet back in 3rd grade! We talked and worked out for 30 minutes. Good for the body and the heart.

Early in the afternoon, I took cupcakes to work to say goodbye to my primary and my associate patient. (They both went home on the same day. Work will be sad for a little while.)  I bought a treat for myself, too, and enjoyed it with relish!

Chocolate! Picture courtesy of Dolce Baking Company's website.

Then I went to Lawrence with Ross and hung out at a coffee shop while he went to his first grad school class of the semester. We went to dinner at The Local Burger and grocery shopping at The Merc. It was the most time we'd spent together in a long time, between me traveling and our opposite work schedules. We had fun talking about nothing and everything.

This evening, I was running on the treadmill and it faces a mirror. I could have been thinking, "eww that jiggles" or, "maybe I shouldn't wear spandex this tight." Instead, I only 'allowed' myself to think positive things like, "it's awesome that you actually went running after putting it off all day!" And "look how strong your legs have gotten." Corny as that is, it actually did cheer me up!

There are a few posts from "Change the Way You See, Not the Way You Look" week that really resonated with me.  One was by a mom named Sarah who is raising two little girls. She says she actually wanted to have girls in hopes of raising "confident, strong, and secure girls since I never was myself." She has a few ideas about how to do this, and I recognize these as things my own mom did as well: Value girls for who they are instead of what the look like. Don't talk about other people's bodies. Lead by example. Sarah says,

Somewhere along the way in my first few years of parenting girls, my own confidence grew and my acting became believing.  I thought about how I would feel if my girls scrutinized themselves they way I had.  I looked at their rounded bellies, their full cheeks and chins and their dimply thighs and imagined what I would tell them if they agonized over these “flaws.”  Most of all though, I worried about how I could teach them about valuing themselves and valuing others beyond what they saw in the mirror, if I wasn’t willing to give that gift to myself.

She ends her amazing post by asking, if you could write an Operation Beautiful note to your teenage self, what would you say?  I thought about it, and there are thousands of things I'd like to warn myself about. But considering that most of high school I was very preoccupied with my body, I think the message that would stick the most is, "being skinny won't make you happy. But being happy will make you feel beautiful!"

High school friends the summer we graduated

Looking back, the pictures I love most are those in which I'm happy, regardless of where I was in my body struggles at the time.  I've been relatively the same size for about 7 years now, but that can look very different (to me at least) from one picture to the next. The genuine smiles and glowing cheeks are what make the pictures look good or bad.  With this in mind, I actually like the pictures of me from my recent trip to Texas. I was having fun and I was in a comfortable environment. BLISS. (I'm convinced this is why kids can't take bad pictures. They're always so happy!)

Avery and me at Central Market

On the other hand, it's really hard to like what you see in the mirror when you know you haven't been nice to your body. Most recently, I hated how I looked on night shift. I was always puffy and tired. I ate anything and everything at work just to stay awake. Junk food at 3am makes you feel better briefly, but it makes you feel so much worse in the long run. Especially when it becomes a regular occurrence. Yes, I was working out during this time, but I was unhappy, unhealthy overall, and overtired.

A blogger named Emilie also recognizes this connection.  In her post, she says,

It's wonderful to be positive and to tell women:  "You are beautiful just they way you are."  And I love the sentiment behind Operation Beautiful, but Caitlin's mission, I think, is even more rich than that.  Some women look at themselves in the mirror and don't like what they see no matter what they see, and Caitlin is striving to teach women not to be so hard on themselves.  But for a lot of women, and this was true for me, the negative self image is connected to the knowledge that there needed to be some lifestyle changes.  I didn't like how I looked at all a few years ago, when I also knew that I needed to get myself in shape and start making healthier choices.  Now I'm pretty satisfied because what I see in the mirror, while by no means perfect, is coupled with my knowledge that I'm eating healthy and exercising regularly. 

This definitely clicked with me. I feel better about myself now that I'm running than I did 8 months ago, even though I haven't really lost weight. There have been several points in my life when my negative self image is connected to the knowledge that I need to make some lifestyle changes. It was impossible (and it almost felt hypocritical) for me to look in the mirror this last winter and think, you're perfect the way you are. I knew things needed to change. In junior high, my mom gave me a Christian book about inner beauty and one of the things that has stuck with me is that God can say, I love you just the way you are, and I love you too much to let you stay the way you are. We need to learn to tell ourselves the same thing sometimes.

Florida Keys 2009

The third post that really stood out to me was by an awesome girl named Angela. Her blog is positive, uplifting, and real. She's so good at putting things into words. I read her writing and think it's like she read my mind! She's a few steps ahead of me on the self-acceptance thing, though. Her post was on the idea of a 'happy weight.'  She says,

I always told myself in 10 pounds, I would finally be happy. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and achieve ‘x’ weight and my life would fall into place. In 10 pounds, I could eat normally, binges would stop, and I could stop hating myself. All I had to do was lose 10 pounds and my problems would be solved. I would love myself in 10 pounds….but not yet.

Sound familiar? I recognize a lot of myself in this attitude, and I'm slowly coming to terms with it. When you think about it, isn't it obvious that when you allow an extrinsic factor to determine your happiness, you will never be happy?! In the end, Angela knows she's at her 'happy weight' now, but she doesn't know what that actual number is. And that's okay.

Here's her Operation Beautiful note:

There's a quote from the book Eat, Pray, Love that I highlighted a while ago (I'd also like to say I fell in love with the book when the movie was just a twinkle in Elizabeth Gilbert's eye). Gilbert is journaling as her life falls apart around her and says,

This is what I find myself writing to myself on the page: I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long. I will stay with you…There is nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

Tonight, this strange interior gesture of friendship- the lending of a hand from me to myself- reminds me of something that happened to me in New York City. I walked into an office building and dashed into the elevator. As I rushed in, I caught an unexpected glimpse of myself in the mirror. In that moment my brain did an odd thing- it fired off this split-second message: ‘Hey! You know her! That’s a friend of yours!' And I actually ran forward toward my own reflection with a smile, ready to welcome that girl whose name I had lost but whose face was so familiar. In a flash instant, of course, I realized my mistake and laughed in embarrassment at my almost doglike confusion over how a mirror works. But for some reason that incident comes to mind again tonight during my sadness in Rome and I find myself writing this comforting reminder at the bottom of the page: Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend.”

Amarillo 2007

Some of the things I say to myself, I would never dream of saying out loud to a friend I loved. It would hurt their feelings and damage our friendship. (More to the point, I have never even thought these things about my friends because physical appearance is not what makes me love them.) So why on earth do I continue to say these things to myself? When it comes to broken hearts, I have no one to blame but myself. Treating myself with kindness should be the rule, not the exception.

Canada 2008

Finally, about my own Operation Beautiful note. The Serenity Prayer is wonderful because it's so applicable to so many situations:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Friends at my bachelorette party in 2008

I CAN do my part to reach out and make friends. I can train for a marathon and fuel my body with real food. I cannot change my weak chin or crooked nose. But with time and practice (and certainly a generous amount of gentle forgiveness) I can learn to accept those things the way they are. I can't change the way I look, but I can change the way I see.

Wedding day 2008