Wohoo! Today marks a big milestone: if baby was born today, he wouldn't have an automatic ticket to the NICU. However, since he is unfortunately a white male (dare I use the NICU term "wimpy white boy") I'd be thrilled if he stays put for another 4 weeks! And all jokes about my brother's wedding aside, there don't seem to be any signs of impending labor, thank goodness. I plan to be there large and in charge in my bridesmaid's dress two weeks from now!
This week actually marked several other milestones as well: my "first" Mother's Day was on Sunday, and while I feel silly claiming the title until I've gone through the Ultimate Test (aka labor), Ross was still sweet and bought me a few simple gifts: he snuck out to buy me a vegetable juice in the morning before church (because vegetables are seriously lacking when you're living out of a suitcase... and because he hopes our kids get my tastebuds); then he gave me a few tomato cages for the seedlings my mom graciously bought for us (I've been working every Saturday and haven't been able to get to the farmer's market); he also reserved the latest Bill Bryson book at the library, stating he hopes our kids get my love of reading. It was sweet.
We also got to go to brunch with my parents and my brother Tommy, which
was extra nice because I'm not sure of the last time I actually got to
see my mom on Mother's Day.
Then Tuesday marked ONE MONTH UNTIL HIS DUE DATE. Which is simply not possible. Tuesday we also "moved into" our "house."
Let's be honest, it's still only half done but Ross set up the bedroom and hooked up the washer and dryer, so its livable. We were ready to sleep in our own bed and have all our belongings in one place after a month of couch-surfing! But to be honest my stress levels haven't really gone down yet. There's a LOT left to do.
Until this week, I'd been cruising along with these house renovations. Okay, maybe not cruising, but staying pretty busy. Wearing myself out. But this week, my belly is just too big. My hips are just too sore. It felt good to go to my Midwife appointment today (I've been going weekly since 34 weeks) and hear her say, "stop making yourself miserable!"
So while our to-do list is still a mile long, I'm going to try my best to limit the manual labor since I'm already on my feet all day at work. I'm also going to try to take one day of complete rest each week (no errands or stress-inducing activities). Sure, I'd LOVE to be nesting and getting the nursery ready and washing baby clothes, but we're not there yet. And I feel like even me busting my butt on my days off won't really get us there much sooner. All I can do is one thing at a time on my to-do list, and keep plugging away at a pace that doesn't make me lose my sanity. (At least I finally met with the pediatrician and got our info into their system.)
The good news is that even though half of our house is still a construction zone, it's livable! We sleep there now, after 25 long nights of living out of a suitcase (yes, totally a first world problem).
The list of "things that still need to get done" probably won't ever end, but at least the pre-baby checklist is getting shorter. What still really needs to happen:
-cabinets needs to be finished, painted, and cleaned
-kitchen countertops need to be ordered and installed
-kitchen and laundry room floors need to be installed
-kitchen and laundry room walls need to be painted (but praise God the drywall plastering, sanding, and priming is DONE in those two rooms! And we did a mighty fine job if I do say so myself.)
What would be nice, but might not be realistic:
-setting up the baby's room
-finishing the drywall in the "ugly bedroom" (the room with plumbing damage and the compromised walls with exposed lead paint that we ended up replacing-- thank you Dad for helping Ross get those walls up so quickly!)
-fixing the bathroom (it works fine, but it's fascinatingly ugly; a different coat of paint and a new shower curtain would do wonders)
-decorating the living room
-replacing the gross linen closet or whatever it's supposed to be in the hallway
Things left to do to prepare for baby? I seriously don't
want to think about it. The house needs to be at least semi-finished
before I can make a trip to the store for last-minute baby essentials.
...
Wait, this was supposed to be a pregnancy update and not a house update? Am I too fixated on this house? Can you blame me? A pregnant lady can't help but want a safe, comfortable place to bring a baby home to! But.
Craving this week?
-WATER. I seriously drink 5+ liters of water some days because I'm so thirsty.
-Also finally satisfied my PF Chang's craving from... oh... two trimesters ago. Those lettuce wraps were delicious, and for the record the "gluten-free chocolate dome" is a more than reasonable substitute for my once-beloved Great Wall of Chocolate!
Symptoms?
-Pretty regular Braxton-Hicks contractions. But don't get excited! The Midwife confirmed that they're definitely just practice contractions and not the real thing! She said that me overworking myself will make me miserable, but it won't bring on labor, thankfully. (I'm sure most post-date pregnant ladies wish that inducing labor was as easy as scrubbing floors and painting walls and working 12 hour shifts).
-The numb/painful spot on my stomach is still there above my belly button.
-Is waddling a symptom?
-Frequent bathroom breaks (baby "dropping" + 5 liters of water a day will do that).
-Totally messed up sense of balance. I was clumsy before, but it's frightening now. Sometimes I'll get extremely lightheaded out of the blue and feel like passing out. Other times, I'll lose my balance and trip over nothing. The other day I fell completely to the ground simply while walking around in bare feet. And I'm starting to roll my ankles in my sensible work shoes. Ouch. A constantly shifting center of gravity + extremely loose joints isn't the best combination.
How's baby?
Still head down, thankfully! And he moves so much, which I love. I totally wish I could see what the heck he's doing in there sometimes. I think my favorite is when I feel his arms moving at night when I lay down, and I can imagine him sucking his thumb and soothing himself.
How's mom?
-So very ready for things to calm down so maybe I can focus on pregnancy and baby things while I'm still pregnant. So not ready to be done with pregnancy yet, although I can tell things are going to start getting more uncomfortable. I still love it!
-Swimming has become my favorite exercise. It feels so good to be weightless.
-You know what's starting to stress me out in my extremely tired and
vulnerable state? People telling me the baby is going to come early. It
used to be funny, but as the due date draws closer, it's no longer entertaining to think about him coming early. It stresses me out when people ask
if I think he's going to come even one day before his due date. We will know when he
gets here, right? When people ask, it makes me feel like a ticking time
bomb-- let's all remember that I actually have a max of 6 weeks left.
That's a long time, people! I'm probably going to freak out if people keep asking me if the nursery is done or if I'm having signs of labor, even though I know they're just making conversation.
-Hmmm. I may also be hormonal and emotionally labile at this point...
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Friday, May 16, 2014
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
This Season
I've been hesitant to write where I am lately. Partly because it seems to change on a daily basis, but partly because I'm also just not sure. Where am I? Where's my head? Where's my heart? When life gets crazy, I tend to self-protect by switching to autopilot and it makes me a little sad that maybe I'm missing out on this unique time in my life.
So. Because I want to remember, here's where I am:
...I'm a little overwhelmed by our house. I had no clue how much work went into simply putting up walls and ceilings! I thought we could rush through this renovation, but with constant setbacks for the first 6 weeks, making the house liveable has taken longer than even our most conservative estimates. My heart has been weird and unsettled in this in-between place, and I'm learning to just sit in it and maybe not whine to anyone and everyone in the meantime. This week, we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but even then I know there's still a lot of work to be done between "liveable" and "home." In my worse moments, I feel very "woe is me" and I certainly let everyone know. In my best moments, I realize I'm learning patience and that things could actually be much worse than a pregnant introvert having to live out of a suitcase in someone else's house for a few weeks (we've been out of our apartment since April 20).
...I miss my husband. He is so dedicated to getting this house done as soon as possible, and it's fun seeing him in his element. I would've knocked the house down by this point, but he's doing such a great job! He passes all of his inspections with flying colors. (If only we could say the same about the professional work that's been done). But he goes straight over to the house after work and stays there late most nights. I probably work over there 3-4 days a week, based on what kind of work is being done that week, what my work schedule is, and how I'm feeling physically. But Ross is easily there 6 days a week working his butt off to make our house a home! I'm also learning that we're both a little allergic to doing things halfway. The more we get into this house, the more we find that's been half-assed. It's frustrating, but I think it also redoubles our efforts because we refuse to take shortcuts. If we're stripping it down, we want to build it back up the right way.
...I'm tired. 8-months-pregnant tired, yes, but also so physically and emotionally tired from the combo of work + renovation + not being in my comfort zone. Both of my jobs are suuuper busy (all. the. spring. babies.) right now and I'm always shocked when I have the energy to work on the house for a few hours in the evening. Bending over, lifting things, and getting up and down at work and at the house is more exhausting than ever. I truly thank God for the energy I do have. Some days I just can't muster it up, but the days I can I'm always amazed. I'm also tired of eating convenience foods. I'm tired of eating in the car. I'm tired of driving all across town all the live-long day for one reason or another. I'm tired of living in-between. Like I said, I'm learning to just rest here because I don't have a choice. And I am aware it could always be worse. Not trying to complain, just want to be honest. I think a lot about how one of my friends claims there's no such thing as "balance." There are simply seasons. Seasons of rest, seasons of crazy, seasons of breaking down, seasons of building up. I'm not entirely sure how to define this season yet, but I know when the rest comes, it will be that much sweeter!
...I'm in transition. I'm not sure how to really word this feeling. I feel pulled in a lot of different directions. One of my jobs is demanding my all, which I just don't have to give right now. I feel guilty that Ross is putting so much more work into the house than I am. I cry that it's taking too long, yet I don't put in nearly as many hours there as he does. Never for a moment have I blamed him for our ridiculous luck with this house, but when I freak out about our nomadic lifestyle going on three weeks, it makes him feel bad and then I feel bad and... yeah. I also feel like I'm ignoring this poor baby. Life's been crazy since about 28 weeks and now I'm staring 35 weeks in the face. Full-term is just two weeks away and my chiropractor is (infuriatingly) insisting that he's going to come early. (For the record, I've told the baby that's simply not allowed). But I feel like I can't even buy diapers because there's no where to put them. Heck, there's no where to put the baby. There's no where to put US if he comes early! I'm simply not ready and I so wish that I could invest my time in preparing for this huge life change that's about to take place. Basically, I feel like no one is getting my best or my all and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
...To end on a happy note, I'm ECSTATIC that warm weather is here! Sunshine! I notice such a difference when I get fresh air and sun. I'm very thankful for that this week. Less than 2 weeks ago it was 30 degrees outside and now I'm in shorts and a t-shirt! (Note to self: must purchase more maternity t-shirts ASAP.)
So. Because I want to remember, here's where I am:
...I'm a little overwhelmed by our house. I had no clue how much work went into simply putting up walls and ceilings! I thought we could rush through this renovation, but with constant setbacks for the first 6 weeks, making the house liveable has taken longer than even our most conservative estimates. My heart has been weird and unsettled in this in-between place, and I'm learning to just sit in it and maybe not whine to anyone and everyone in the meantime. This week, we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but even then I know there's still a lot of work to be done between "liveable" and "home." In my worse moments, I feel very "woe is me" and I certainly let everyone know. In my best moments, I realize I'm learning patience and that things could actually be much worse than a pregnant introvert having to live out of a suitcase in someone else's house for a few weeks (we've been out of our apartment since April 20).
...I miss my husband. He is so dedicated to getting this house done as soon as possible, and it's fun seeing him in his element. I would've knocked the house down by this point, but he's doing such a great job! He passes all of his inspections with flying colors. (If only we could say the same about the professional work that's been done). But he goes straight over to the house after work and stays there late most nights. I probably work over there 3-4 days a week, based on what kind of work is being done that week, what my work schedule is, and how I'm feeling physically. But Ross is easily there 6 days a week working his butt off to make our house a home! I'm also learning that we're both a little allergic to doing things halfway. The more we get into this house, the more we find that's been half-assed. It's frustrating, but I think it also redoubles our efforts because we refuse to take shortcuts. If we're stripping it down, we want to build it back up the right way.
...I'm tired. 8-months-pregnant tired, yes, but also so physically and emotionally tired from the combo of work + renovation + not being in my comfort zone. Both of my jobs are suuuper busy (all. the. spring. babies.) right now and I'm always shocked when I have the energy to work on the house for a few hours in the evening. Bending over, lifting things, and getting up and down at work and at the house is more exhausting than ever. I truly thank God for the energy I do have. Some days I just can't muster it up, but the days I can I'm always amazed. I'm also tired of eating convenience foods. I'm tired of eating in the car. I'm tired of driving all across town all the live-long day for one reason or another. I'm tired of living in-between. Like I said, I'm learning to just rest here because I don't have a choice. And I am aware it could always be worse. Not trying to complain, just want to be honest. I think a lot about how one of my friends claims there's no such thing as "balance." There are simply seasons. Seasons of rest, seasons of crazy, seasons of breaking down, seasons of building up. I'm not entirely sure how to define this season yet, but I know when the rest comes, it will be that much sweeter!
Maybe we need this print in our house to remind us! |
...To end on a happy note, I'm ECSTATIC that warm weather is here! Sunshine! I notice such a difference when I get fresh air and sun. I'm very thankful for that this week. Less than 2 weeks ago it was 30 degrees outside and now I'm in shorts and a t-shirt! (Note to self: must purchase more maternity t-shirts ASAP.)
Labels:
living in the moment,
moving,
pregnancy,
sanctification station,
seasons
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