So I went to bed on the December 9 at 41 weeks pregnant, after weeks of false alarms and emotional highs and lows. I was exhausted in all the ways. At my appointment that day, I'd talked about coming in for some sort of induction a few days before hitting 42 weeks, and I was defeatedly sure my body was just going to wait it out.
Instead, I woke up suddenly at 1:45am with fluid trickling down my leg. I had fallen asleep, as always those last few weeks, on my left side with a pillow propping my top leg way up to give baby as much room as possible to wriggle down into the pelvis when he was ready, and he was finally ready. I laid in the dark for a minute, savoring the quiet relief that this was finally it, and then I was seized with a deep, long, strong, painful contraction and NOTHING has ever hurt so good. I knew it was happening this time, and I got up to go to the bathroom, shower, and put on my labor outfit and a pad. I don't even know what else I did between then and the doula arriving at 3am. I timed contractions from 0147 to 0208 and they were all over a minute long and 2-3 minutes apart. After 7 contractions in 20 minutes, and the bone-deep knowledge that even though prodromal labor was painful, THESE were the deep, real contractions I remembered, I stopped timing.
Angela arrived at 0300, shortly after mom and dad did, and we walked to the hospital. I had to waddle slowly... really slowly during contractions... and I was just so happy knowing I was finally about to meet this baby! I felt like a warrior queen. I had waited and been patient and trusted, and this was finally happening on its own.
I got monitored upon arrival at 0330 and no one disputed the fact that I was in labor. I got checked before getting into the tub around 0410, and I was still at 3cm but more like 80-90% effaced although baby's head was still at -2 station. Ross had strung up some Christmas lights in the bathroom, and I soaked in the dark on all fours, listening to "Colorblind" by myself, collecting myself and trying to wrap my mind around what was about to happen. I swayed my hips to the words, "I am ready, I am ready, I am ready I am fine. I am covered in skin. No one gets to come in. Pull me out from inside. I am folding, and unfolding, and unfolding I am..." The words that had carried me thorough many anxious pregnancy walks worked to get me in the zone. It was all happening at last and I was ready for all of it.
It gets fuzzy after that, as the intensity grew. With Noah and Rosie, I loved Vanessa's detailed doula timeline and pictures. Neither Angela, nor the nurse, nor I had time to make notes or take pictures after this point. I might have tried listening to more of my playlist, but by the time the lab tech came in to draw my blood, it was becoming quickly apparent to me that this was not going to be a "rest between contractions" kind of labor. They were long, strong, intense, and building on top of each other pretty quickly. The buoyancy of the water wasn't providing relief, and counter pressure from Angela quickly became uncomfortable.
I got out of the tub shortly after 0500 and got in all fours on the bed. That didn't feel right either, so Angela got a peanut ball for me to drape my arms and upper body over, and that was it. That's where I stayed. For some reason, it felt best to hold onto the bed handrail with my right hand and grip for dear life and almost pull my hips to the left during contractions. I squeezed Ross' hand with my left hand, forearm resting on the ball, with my forehead resting on top.
At first, I was fighting panic. It was all happening so quickly! The nurse's note quotes me saying, "I can't keep up with this intensity" at 0519. Around that point, I asked for an epidural and Angela told me to get through two more contractions. I knew in my head I didn't have time to run a bag of fluids and start an epidural. Nor did I really want to. What I was really saying was that this was wildly overwhelming and I needed help. But then Dr. Sisk arrived at the bedside (at 0548 according to the notes) and I knew I was close to the finish line. I scooted my knees forward and my hips back a bit and sank into it. My mind sank back into my body, my weight sank back into my hips. Instead of tensing up and straightening out, I moaned and opened up my hips and swayed gently in the small breaks between contractions.
I remember at the very end, I finally found a rhythm in my head. It was something like a low moaning and exhale through a slow count of 4, then the contraction would peak, and I could breathe in again as it eased up, sway my hips in the pause, and then sink into the next wave. That counting helped a lot and eventually I could hear my voice start to catch as I moaned. I knew my body was starting to push. After a few of these contractions, the Fetal Ejection Reflex kicked in in earnest. I think I had 1-2 contractions where I knew THIS WAS IT, although I'm not sure I said anything out loud. I assumed they could all hear it in my voice! The next 1-2 contractions, I wasn't just crowning. I think around that point someone might have asked about switching positions, but I zoned them out and instead shouted, "his head is out!"
They whisked the sheet off and the doctor was there to catch the baby. When his head was all the way out, I was expecting them to tell me to breathe and wait for the next contraction, but instead they told me to push. I tried once, but it wasn't with a contraction and I was wrapping my mind around the fact that all wasn't entirely well and something must be stuck. Instead of panicking, I took a deep breath and DID push more effectively and after another 2 pushes (I think), he slipped out and all was well. It wasn't the water birth I wanted, but I was on all fours and I asked them to pass him under my the way I'd envisioned meeting him. They passed him under, I rolled to my side, and curled around him on the bed. We did it! The two of us worked as a team and we met face to face at last. 8 days past his due date and just in time for his Birth Day.
We finally had the first snow of the season that night, and a new season of our livest started that day as well.
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