October in the Midwest seems to be the March in reverse: in like a lamb, out like a lion. We started the month with a sunny, sweaty walk to the park, and ended it with flurries in the forecast and weather too cold to take a baby trick or treating. The changing seasons get me every time, and nothing marks the stark passage of time quite like having a baby. They change overnight, they grow like weeds, and before you know it, you baby is in her fourth month of life and you haven't quite caught up with all the ways life has changed in the past few months. In fact, in the past few days, I've been able to step outside myself a little bit (so much of my day is lived so UP CLOSE) and find myself incredulous that I have TWO KIDS. I'm, like, a grownup.
I have an app called Timehop, and every morning it shows me pictures that I took on that day as far back as 10-11 years! It's just been killing me for the past few weeks. We moved to Kansas City 8 years ago, we moved to a bigger apartment in the same complex 7 years ago. 5 years ago, I was working in the NICU, going to grad school, and teaching clinicals. I took a picture of my new planner, noting that "2013 is going to be a good year. Hard, but good." Little did I know that I'd be changing jobs, hating it, going through a really dark season, traveling to Canada, traveling to Haiti, traveling to Slovenia, and getting pregnant that year!
Four years ago, I was newly pregnant and took a picture of the bright orange tree in our apartment complex that I fell in love with every fall, musing, "I wonder where we will be next year..."
Three years ago, I was navigating life as a new mom in a new-to-us, under-construction house, dreading winter.
Two years ago, I was grappling with the repercussions of a surprise pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage.
Last year, I felt the most normal I'd felt in years: pelvic pain was more or less resolved, I was no longer breastfeeding, Noah was potty-trained and sleeping through the night, and I felt at home in my body, comfortable with our routines, secure in my relationships, and a nagging feeling that someone was missing from the picture.
So in the past year, we went through a full pregnancy and delivery and now here were are at the fall festival again, as a family of FOUR. The side-by-side comparison just blows my mind. So much has happened in a year!
When we found out we were having a "little but lively" sister bear of our own, I knew we had to be Berenstain Bears for Halloween this year. Noah was over the moon about this, and they both looked completely adorable in their costumes. Unfortunately, we were sick the day of the festival, so we didn't stay long at all. (Spoiler alert: It was the beginning of months and months of sickness). But, this is life now and I love these two little cubs.
