28 weeks + ready for a mental health break

Last weekend, I had an insane bout of upper back spasms. I used to have these 36 hour attacks every few months, but it's been a year since the last one and I truly thought they were behind me. That was not the case Monday evening when the pain it started out of nowhere and I straight-up panicked because I didn't know if I could take Flexeril or anything remotely helpful for the pain. I made it through, but failed my 1-hour GDM screening test in the process with a blood sugar of 180. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done the test the same appointment I was complaining of pain that was 10/10 and worse than labor. Hello, stress hormones! Thankfully, the doctor is letting me redo it next week.

In the meantime, I've had a 3-day counseling intensive planned for this coming week since July, and I'm so so so glad we committed the time and (painful amount of) money because I am READY.

I'm ready to process the last 18 months post-move that looked so different than I'd planned. I'm ready to process my previous postpartum experiences and mentally and strategically prepare for a different one this time around. I'm ready to really connect with this baby because, let's face it, between a scary first trimester and a super busy second trimester, I've maintained some distance from all the changes that are happening overnight in the recesses of my body and heart. 

Frankly, even though homeschool is definitely the right choice right now, I'm also ready for a break from the planning and the putting into practice that we've been doing so consistently.

I also recently re-committed to building an online breastfeeding course after recruiting a fellow IBCLC to join me. I'm simultaneously excited and terrified to somehow get this done before my due date as well as everything else on my to-do list. At the same time, I know my professional brain hasn't gotten much exercise lately and I think/hope that dedicating time to this will help me feel more balanced and less overwhelmed. At least professional work has tangible, measurable results at the end of the day and I can't always say that for parenting or even checking off the schoolday on the calendar.

I'm so hopeful for what adding to our family will look like, I'm so grateful that our marriage is in a place to welcome a new life, I'm so apprehensive about the big changes it will entail, I'm so grieved that this time (barring some great big surprise) it really is the last pregnancy and what if I haven't cherished it enough, and I'm a little panicked at the countdown. I know I won't *arrive* in life by the time the baby is born, especially given that, as Noah pointed out, we likely have "less than 11 Thursdays left" until we meet him earthside. (Also, an amazing quote from Noah a few weeks ago: "we do a lot of things at home that other people go places for: homeschool, home birth...")

So much is different this time, and I'M different. And I'm hoping to re-remember some of that this week while I'm doing the work of processing and growing and making room for what matters.

Second Trimester (aka Summer 2021) Recap

I taught my Newborn Care class this weekend and realized that for the past year that I've been teaching it, I've either not been pregnant, or (for the last 3 classes) been far less pregnant than the other mamas. Next time I teach, I'll be 36+ weeks and likely the most pregnant one in the room!

As I have been anticipating since 20 weeks or so, I am hitting a bit of a panic point as I transition into the third trimester with this third baby. It's temping to think, "I haven't done anything I wanted to do!" because I didn't really nest or clean or organize the house like I've been itching to, and I know my energy levels will likely start dropping quickly.

However, I've done so much in just getting through a hot hot summer with two kids during a pandemic. We've done swim lessons and Wild + Free and 3 different camps and a trip to Kansas City and a family vacation. If it hadn't been totally disgusting weather-wise, I honestly would've forgotten I was pregnant for large chunks of time this summer. 

Random tension headaches seemed to sneak up every week or two and knock me down and out for a day. I would also have random weeks of crazy hip pain, and I feel like weeks 22-26 baby was consistently transverse which was putting a lot of pressure on my symphysis pubis, my SI joints, and my poor umbilical diastasis recti. While I feel healthier overall this pregnancy by far, it's pretty clear that my connective tissues are kind of over the stretching. Thankfully, after lots of chiro adjustments, PT, and an osteopathic adjustment with the DO I'm seeing for my prenatal care, I feel like baby is kind of getting the idea that he needs to commit to being head down now.

The past 3 months, some days I would feel GINORMOUS and be waddling from discomfort and look in the mirror and barely look pregnant. Other days, I'd catch a glimpse of a belly that seemed to grow huge overnight, and regret that I have been completely horrible about taking weekly or even remotely consistent belly shots this pregnancy and... it's all happening anyway!

But really, I mostly feel like myself except with a constant little sidekick, and I'm wildly grateful to have reached milestones like viability and now the third trimester. Second trimester has been pretty great and I'm hoping that sticks around for quite a while longer. This season is so special and so fleeting and I'm looking forward to starting to slow down and nest and draw inward and savor it.

26 + 27 weeks

I had to get out my calendar to trigger some memories here. We just finished our first two weeks of the homeschool term, so that's where my mind has been lately. 

26 weeks

We started this week off with a viral exposure scare, but thankfully we all tested negative after quarantining per protocol, so we were SUPER grateful to get to go on a little family vacation to South Dakota. We hit up the Laura Ingalls Wilder homestead in Desmet and honestly, it was the PERFECT little 3-day getaway. We got an AirBNB on Lake Thompson. It was nothing fancy, but perfectly isolated and peaceful. The kids had a blast exploring the cabin and the rocky beach and the stormy waves the day we got there. They had zero fear of the lake water, which was so fun. Just pure joy. I have now been pregnant on a beach with each kiddo: The Adriatic Sea and Pacific Ocean with Noah, Lake of the Ozarks with Rosie (although sadly I don't think I even got my feet wet that time), and now Lake Thompson with baby brother. 

Noah and Rosie are such a fantastic little duo (most of the time) that sometimes it's hard to imagine changing up the dynamic. But I know how much the love in our family grew when we added a second kid, even though it was hard to imagine it beforehand, so I know it'll be the same again. More kids = more love even if it also = more chaos.

27 weeks

Two days post-vacation, Noah started co-op and Rosie started preschool. The next day, we started our first day of Charlotte Mason Form 1A Term 1. I've been prepping all summer and thankfully that work paid off. I felt prepared, albeit EXHAUSTED at the end of the morning. It also makes everything feel like it's all happening all of the sudden, since I purposely chose the start date of our 12-week term by counting backwards from 38 weeks of pregnancy. 

This week, we also got to "meet" the kids' newest cousin via FaceTime. Rosie was so earnestly asking the new big sister, "What do big sisters do?" She's taking this role really seriously and she's a little nervous about it. I'm not sure how to handle that since Noah has always been so matter-of-fact about adding siblings. Rosie will simultaneously be so sweet and loving, kissing my belly button and saying good morning to baby brother, and then withdraw and being anxious about the coming changes. I'm trying to communicate that to an extent, I totally get it. It's normal to oscillate back and forth between all the feelings! I need to ask for some guidance and start praying for her little heart during this transition.