23 weeks!

Wow! The first 20 weeks felt really slow, like I should've been much farther along that I was. But the last three weeks have FLOWN by, and Wednesdays keep passing with me being too busy to sit down and write an update.

This pregnancy has been teaching me BOUNDARIES and I'm dropping commitments like crazy right now, and wrapping up others. I thought I could do it all, but turns out I can't and I don't want to. I want to enjoy my three big kids, I want to enjoy the little kicks, I want to have some sort of a rhythm for the last few months before baby arrives, and I want to spend more time outside, more time journaling, and more energy being a good mom and staying active. The rest... is for the birds. I feel very strong and unapologetic about this, and only a little guilty for quitting things that are objectively GOOD like leading BSF and taking Isaac to String Sprouts and taking insurance for private practice home visits. But my life is NOW and it's moving quickly, and soon enough kids will be grown and I can commit to more. As if homeschooling and working it's ENOUGH on top of parenting.

Speaking of little kicks, I felt the first kick from the outside around 18-19 weeks, started consistently feeling movements internally twice a day right around 20 weeks, and now I consistently feel him in the morning when I wake up, in the evening when I lay down, and in the middle of the night when I get up to pee lol. Sometimes I also take a moment to lay horizontal during the day (need to be better about that) and I feel him then, too. It's just unbelievable. It's funny how much all of this feels so brand new after such a long gap and honestly thinking we were done. 

I am finally looking pregnant to strangers, especially in maternity clothes (still not so much in scrubs). 2-3 times now I've had people ask me if this is my first and I just laugh. But also, sometimes it kind of feels like it. Every baby is a brand new experience. I can't quite put into words yet the joy I have at being able to experience this again, even amidst the CHAOS of overcommitment, IBCLC renewal drama, and physical pelvic/leg discomfort when I push myself too much. 

But really, I feel good. Energy is okay as long as I'm in bed by 9pm lol. I wake up a lot but mostly am able to fall back asleep. Food aversions are gone, cravings still pop up occasionally but nothing too intense. Anxiety/depression is absent. STRESS is present but, like I said, I'm taking steps to release some of my overcommitments to reduce that. 

20 week ultrasound alleviated a lot of concerns. Baby, placenta, cervix, amniotic fluid levels, everything was NORMAL and boring and that gave me the freedom to look forward and plan/dream about birth a little more and just CONNECT instead of holding my breath so much. Every day is such a milestone at this point. I will always remember the youngest baby I cared for in the NICU was 21.5 weeks and the smallest one was 14 ounces. Passing both of those milestones always feels like a win. You can take the nurse out the NICU but you can never quiiiiiite take the NICU out of the nurse, I guess. 

I found a Halo basinette at a garage sale and my co-workers had a small little baby shower for me and my colleague (she's 26 weeks pregnant with twins) this past week. I had a moment, opening a pair of baby booties my colleague knit, of realizing "oh my GOSH this is real. This is happening. I'm going to push a whole BABY out again." That was a joyful and surreal reality check and I'm so glad another coworker caught the moment on camera!

I think that's all to really update on for now. Getting sun while I can, journaling more, recommitting to 2 strength training sessions and 1 bowstring session a week along with 8,000 steps/day. Lots of gratitude, reality checks, readjusting expectations and knowing my limits. Enjoying the second trimester honeymoon. Recently decided to deep clean one room a week. We have ten rooms in the house, so this feels feasible. Now if only I could stop misplacing my earbuds! Off to finish the living room.