If it wasn't for Texas

I always thought it would be glamorous to travel for a living. However, after spending 3 of the last 4 weeks either at work or out of town on the weekend, I'm exhausted and I miss the 4 walls of my apartment!

Last weekend, Ross had a conference at UTA and I was more than happy to tag along and spend a weekend in the DFW metroplex. It had been FAR too long. Plus, Kansas City weather has been less than stellar. I always miss Texas this time of year.

Leaving work Friday

 It ended up being a very reflective weekend.

Somewhere in Oklahoma, feeling better already

Wide open spaces

I had forgotten how big Texas was. It's a wide expanse of sunshine and suburban sprawl and it captures my heart because it's Texas: unashamed and unassuming. Plus, the country radio stations are just better.

The sunshine and trip down memory lane were both so comforting to my weary heart right now. The trip was a good reminder of who I used to be and where I came from and how I came to be where I am today, both in a good way and a challenging way. I'm learning, as Dr. Seuss says, not to cry because it's over, but smile because it happened.

Saturday morning, I got a massage, went to my old gym, had lunch with my friend Emily, and then stepped foot on the TCU campus for the first time since graduation in 2007. Time flies! My last year and a half of college were fairly miserable, but walking down Cantey street past my freshman dorm put me in the mindset of freshman, sophomore, and junior year when I lived on campus, walked everywhere, and lived in the tiny little world that is college and home and friends all wrapped into one.

Shirley girlies unite

 Man, those were good times with great people.

Frog fountain: a familiar landmark amidst new architecture

TCU tulips- one of the happiest scenes I can think of

I took a long walk in the sunshine and meandered through the familiar parts of campus. It felt like not a day had passed. It's so odd to think that my baby brother is now a sophomore in college. He's 8 years younger than me, but I feel like I'm still there myself!

My brick

I got a brick at graduation, but I had yet to see it in person until this visit. There it was, outside the library, surrounded by so many familiar names and warm memories. In hindsight, I should've put something more creative and less prideful than "BSN, RN" after my name, but man was I proud of all the tears and struggles that went into earning those titles.

Saturday evening, Ross and I got to go to dinner with Brittnye, her husband Evan, and their yummy new baby. Their older kiddo got some quality grandparent time, but we missed her! When I met Brittnye the spring after college graduation, she was an answer to prayer, truly. I begged God for a friend and she walked into my life with her bald little baby and a husband who loved architecture as much as Ross did. We talked about everything and went on long walks in the spring sunshine and shared so many good memories, and then I moved to Kansas City. I miss her like crazy but it was so great and surreal to be eating my favorite sushi in my favorite state with some of my favorite people. Again, it felt like no time had passed!

Friends for-evah

Sunday morning, I went to church and then Ross and I met up with another one of my favorite families of all time. Be still, my heart. These handsome, rambunctious boys are no longer babies!

Eating lunch at Rodeo Goat off of 7th Street

All in all, it was such a good trip. It provided a lot of closure and a lot of peace for a lot of reasons. I can't go back and relive those times. As much as I think I want to, it wouldn't be the same. After all, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man” {Heraclitus}.

However, I can cherish these memories and be thankful for them as I move forward and learn to live in the present and in the peace God offers to me. This trip was a good reminder to smile in the here and now, because you never know if your tomorrows will be better or worse than your todays. I needed this reminder to stop living in the "what ifs" and "if onlys."

As George Strait says...

There wouldn't be no Alamo

No Cowboys in the Super Bowl

No "Lonesome Dove," no "Yellow Rose"

If it wasn't for Texas.

Fort Worth would never cross my mind

There'd be no Austin City Limit sign

No Lone Star of any kind

If it wasn't for Texas.

It made me the (wo)man I am,

Thank God for my old stomping ground.

I wouldn't be standing right here right now

If it wasn't for Texas.

One year already!

Ross and I are in Chicago and I didn't bring my laptop, but I had to stop by because I noticed the date when I was leaving the El station this evening. It's October 15. That means that tomorrow will mark one year since we packed our entire apartment into a tiny U-Haul. Ross pulled it all behind him in the truck and I left a few hours after him to made the tearful 8 hour drive to our new home.

And yes, despite the roller-coaster year we've had, and given the fact that I have been constantly on the go for the last 4 weeks, it's safe to say that KC is definitely home right now. You can expect a long-winded post reflecting on everything when I get back. For now, I need to get to bed so I can enjoy my last full day in the Windy City!

Heavenly

If I could fill a perfect day with things that I loved, Monday would come pretty close.  It started off with a 3.5 mile run around my old stomping grounds. It felt good to run farther than I'd ever gone on my old 'route'!  I showered quickly and hurried to Legends Salon and Day Spa for a massage. Rachel gives the best massages ever. Seriously. I've had a lot of bad massages, and hers are amazing.  I would pay twice what she charges if I had to!

I've always liked this painting in the massage room

Such a comfortable massage table

After my supremely relaxing and 10-months-overdue hour-long massage, I headed to Starbucks for an iced latte.  I hung around there for a bit catching up on oh-so-important things like google reader and facebook (it was kind of nice to be away from the computer so long while I was traveling, though).  After an hour or two, I headed to Central Market for lunch.

The blue sky looks good with everything

The fans and shade made it comfortable enough to eat on the patio

Tabbouleh and apricot chicken salad samples

Gross picture. Best ribs ever.

Perfectly ripe berries

Then Brittnye and Avery arrived and we wandered the store. I'm sorry to the Whole Foods lovers out there, but Whole Foods has nothing on Central Market. It's the best store ever. You know how they tell you to "shop the perimeter" at normal grocery stores to get the freshest, least processed stuff? Central Market is organized in an "S" shape with entire sections dedicated to "perimeter" departments: produce, butcher, seafood, alcohol, bulk nuts, grains, dried fruit, coffee and tea, bakery, cheese and deli counter.

They do have about 6 aisles of more shelf-stable items such as cereal, baby food, pasta sauce, pasta, soups, baking mixes, etc. But these are all meticulously chosen brands and you can often find good sales hidden in those aisles. The serpentine path leads you to the cafe and gelato station (yummm). I could've taken pictures of everything, but I had to share a portion of the bakery display with you.

Drool-worthy. So many choices, so little room left in my tummy after that lunch.

I love Central Market's raspberry chocolate mousse torte, turtle cheesecake, carrot cake, pineapple upside down cake, cream puffs, eclairs, and gelato (basically, I wouldn't kick any of their desserts out of bed).  It was a hard decision, but I finally settled on a cream puff and we headed back outside with desserts in tow.

Holy yum

I bet the clouds in heaven are made of real cream whipped with powdered sugar

Sweet

 Avery inhaled her cookie, chased some birds, and found the playground by accident.

Central Market knows their audience

The Lena Pope chapel is up and over this wall

Happy girl

Last time. Mama and Miss Therese have to get ready for girl's night out!

Ft. Worth skyline

We headed back to Brittnye's to get ready to meet Kate for dinner downtown at my favorite restaurant ever.  Ross and I had dinner here the night we got engaged, and so did Kate and her (now) husband Nick!

Brittnye and me ready to hit downtown

Piranha. Killer. Sushi.

I usually like to try different things at restaurants. But every time I try a different roll here, I enjoy it but still end up wishing I had ordered the sexy roll. The entire menu is amazing, but this roll takes the cake: shrimp tempura, ginger cream & cilantro topped with avocado, crawfish & mango.

My mouth is watering again just thinking about it

After dinner (I ate so slowly because I didn't want my roll to be gone) we walked around and decided to dine on the Reata rooftop for dessert. Good food, great company!

Dessert!

Kate is one of my good nursing school buddies. We missed you, Amanda and Liz!

Kate and Brittnye's husbands grew up together

(P.S. I want to own that Reata cookbook in the background. It has the recipe for their yummy jalepeno mac 'n' cheese as well as the tamale bread pudding.)

By the way, I didn't forget about Ross! I had so much fun at Central Market, I picked up his favorite goodies for him so he didn't feel too left out.

Focaccia bread

Hatch Chile flavored Dorito-type chips. But with real ingredients that you can pronounce.

Never leavin' Texas? I guess I ignored the label since I brought it back to Kansas.

Dublin Dr. Pepper is made with sugar, not high fructose corn syrup.

I had such a great evening catching up and talking with friends for hours on end.  Thanks, girls!  This trip was a big morale booster.

Christ Chapel

Sunday morning started off the best way possible: 9:15 service at Christ Chapel.

Ted Kitchens is an amazing pastor. He gets the point of scriptures across with wisdom and humor. Not flashy shows and "hip" clothing. Contemporary worship has the potential to draw people in, or else make a mockery of everything church stands for. It's a fine line, but Christ Chapel has always been solidly on the correct side.  Here's a video of everything CCBC is not:

Kind of funny, but kind of not. This is all too common in today's churches and it's part of the reason I STILL haven't found a church up here. But being back there made me realize I need a Godly community in my life again, even if it can't meet the standards CCBC set for me.

Anyway, Ted's opening prayer started with Matthew 11:28 saying, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." I've certainly been weary and burdened lately, even though half my burdens are self-imposed (I'm working on that).

When I drove into Ft. Worth Saturday and saw that oh-so-familiar stretch of I-30 between University Drive and Hulen Street, tears of JOY spilled down my face. I suddenly felt 30 pounds lighter, like a weight had been lifted off my chest, like I'd been holding my breath for 10 months and could finally exhale. But during Ted's prayer, I realized that God said, "come to ME," not "come to Texas." (As much as all native Texans would love that interpretation).

After the prayer, a Zig Ziglar quote came up on the screen: "Every problem carries a seed of an equivalent or greater benefit."  Problem: I haven't adjusted to KC yet.  Benefit: Yet to be determined. But I won't find it if I don't start looking for it!

The sermon (click here to see the whole thing) was called "The Temple, the Tower, the Tree, and the Truth" and covered Luke 13:1-9. The "tree" part is what spoke to me the most:

Then he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, 'For three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?' " 'Sir,' the man replied, 'leave it alone for one more year, and I'll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.' "

Justice (which we all deserve) would be cutting the tree down after 3 fruitless years. Mercy (which God surprisingly offers us even though we don't deserve it) is allowing one more year. But not just another year of borrowed time (avoiding disaster)... one more year to reach its ultimate goal: a fruitful life.  

Even thought the tree currently shows no sign of bearing fruit, the owner is willing to take responsibility and put forth the extra effort to fertilize the tree.  2 Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slow about his promise, as some think of slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish, but all to come to repentance." 

Even though I deserve punishment, and have been ignorant of God this year, He is giving me time. Time in which I can put forth the extra effort to enrich my own life, which has been given to me for a short while. If it was all about justice, I'd be cut down instantly. But fortunately, God is all about mercy, and that's exactly what I need.

However, I can't continue to live on borrowed time. I need to work toward the goal of fruitfulness. Luke 3:8-9 instructs us to "Bear fruits worthy of repentance....Even now the ax is lying at the root of the trees; every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire" (3:8-9).

Luke 6:43 says, "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit; for each tree is known by its own fruit." My rotten attitude lately stems from rotten roots. It sounds humorous, but right now I'm a "bad tree." How can I expect to bear good fruit?  It's like the saying, "change creates change." (And then I think of the Maya Angelou quote, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.") To really change my attitude, I must change my heart.

If I ONLY focus on God's justice and mercy in this passage, I'm missing the bigger point. That point is that in gratitude I have the responsibility to repent. And by repenting, I can witness the startling mercy of God.  Our God is a God who will judge, make no mistake about it, but one who can be persuaded to grant a little more time to his children. Time in which we can repent.

Ted points out that repentance is not: remorse, resolution, a sorrowful feeling, penance, an effort to atone, reform, or turning a new leaf. 

Repentance is...

1. A change of attitude. When the prodigal son came to his senses, he said, "I will set out and go back to my father..." Luke 15:17-18. We must change out mind about God, ourselves, and our needs.

2. A change of affection. We must admit that we have sinned and are no longer worthy to be called God's children (Luke 15:18-19). We must start loving the things God loves.


3. A change of actions. This is always my personal stumbling block. Isn't it easier to just do what you've always done? But taking the same road to nowhere won't magically end up where I want it to just because I want it enough. I have to get off the couch and take steps in the right direction. I can't presume on God's kindness, letting that be an excuse for failing to change my own heart and embrace God's mercy.

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance, and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?" Romans 2:4

Just because I want to blab on and on, and jam up your computer screen with too much data, here's a video of one of my favorite songs. It's called "When God Ran." After hearing it, you'll want to run to God, too. I can't believe I didn't hear this song until a college retreat!

Thank you, Ted, for this kick in the pants! It's exactly what I needed to hear after 10 months of fruitless whining.

Miss Ree

About 3 years ago, I started babysitting for a sweet little family in a nearby neighborhood with a 2 year old and a 6 week old. Their mom needed a few extra hands once or twice a week and I was happy to oblige! Keenie and Juju quickly came to know me as "Miss Ree" and loved it when I came over to play.

I LOVED watching these boys. And I was so honored that I was the first non-family member to do so!  They are slugs, snails, puppy dog tails, and everything else that little boys should be. We've been through developmental milestones,

a Handy Manny phase,

1 and 1/2 years of fireman obsession,

water fights,

and so much more! I can't believe the boys turn 3 and 5 this summer. Ross and I also came to really love and admire their parents. Their dad grew up Catholic and their mom grew up all over the place, but now they go to Christ Chapel like we did and they're raising their boys to be strong Christian men.

Cuddle time with Mr. Ross last year

They threw us a wonderful going-away dinner last October and Julie still sends us letters and pictures from time to time. She always tells me that whenever we need a bed in Ft. Worth, their house is open. I took her up on that offer Saturday night and spent the night in Juju's BIG BOY room! (It was a nursery with a crib when I left). He loves fishing now, so he had a bunch of stuffed fish in his bed.

And cool shark sheets and siderails because, as Keenie says, "Juju's a roly poly!"

Sunday morning, I went to church with them and then we went to a new Ft. Worth restaurant called Tillman's Roadhouse (the fancy pictures here are from the restaurant's website).

This place has monkey bread as an appetizer and good-old southern food with a modern twist and local ingredients.

Keenie loved the guns as door handles.

And Juju loved the homemade s'mores! They make the graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate bars from scratch.

What a sweet way to end a sweet morning.