If I had the wherewithal, I'd write more like this:
i wanted to tell my sister that marriage is hard and sometimes...i know this will be difficult to believe...but sometimes, you will not want to spoon with your shnuk-ims and let them breathe on the back of your neck all night long. in fact you will ask them to sleep on the couch every so often...
there are lots of things to tell my sister about marriage. but really, it won't matter. it's like trying to tell someone who's pregnant about how their life will change when the baby arrives. it just doesn't work. in fact, it scares them from having a convo with you ever again.
Or this:
i'm so happy for you to start this new part of your life. i know you'll be running to me for all sorts of advice, so i'll spare having to humble yourself and ask.
here's the deal:
a lot of people think that getting married is going to make you happy. it will. sometimes. and sometimes, probably most of the time, it will not. that's because it's not about you.
it's not even about him.
it's about God. we mirror the gospel when we learn to lay down our lives for each other. when we deny ourselves and say, you are more important than me. you die to yourself when you know you could yell some crazy things to them and hurt them so bad. after all, they deserve it. but remember something.
remember that you do some awful stuff. mean stuff.
God knows that about you and still loves you and pursues you every day. he still says, i forgive you when you don't deserve it. he gives you so much grace.
and out of that grace, you are able to give your husband grace. it's the only way.
if you think you can go into marriage, and do this in your own strength, look around. christians and non christians have the same divorce rate. it's really easy to walk away from someone that hurts you deeply. your spouse will be the one who can can love the deepest, but they can cut the deepest too.
and so, you'll need something more than human love.
because your husband can't satisfy that need.
God made it this way for a very important reason:
He, himself is your satisfaction.
i know you didn't ask for this. but i'm your bossy old sister and this is where i get to write things while you're forced to listen.
when things get difficult, really difficult, don't look inward. don't "believe in yourself". don't wake up and try harder. the answer is not inside of you, but outside of you.
simply ask God to show up and change your heart and mind. ask HIM to help you love your husband like He loves your husband.
and when you do it all wrong. when you mess up bad and hurt your husband. when you act stupid and say things you shouldn't have said, know that God still loves you. He will not turn away from you. He knows all the worst things about you and still chooses you.
that is how you love each other. not tips on communication, not better sex, not more kids, not a bigger house. not a better job.
you wake up and ask God to help you love a person that is sometimes unlovable because you recognize that you too are the very same.
good news for newlyweds who don't know what they're getting themselves into when they say, I DO. none of us knew!
maybe God does that on purpose.
funny Guy.
Instead, I'll just say this: keep it all out in the open. When those lines of communication break down, so much falls apart. If you're happy, sad, afraid, stressed... talk. And LISTEN. Don't jump to the defensive. If anything ever feels off, bring it to your spouse. If they brush you off, bring it to a trusted friend. Marriage is too important to present as perfect on the outside while it falls apart on the inside. Fight for it every day! We love you and we mean it when we say, "best wishes and congratulations!"
{Awesome photos courtesy of Tracy Routh}
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