What Running Means to Me

(Or, why I'm not running the Cowtown Marathon in February).

What running is:

1.) An antidepressant.

2.) An encouragement. This is not to say that I expect to feel wonderful before, during, and after every run, but the good runs should at least outweigh the bad.

3.) A stress-reliever.

4.) Motivation. At age 25, I'm still young enough to strive for improved times and distances. Running is an activity that drives me toward new personal bests. Training for a race can help me push myself and realize that I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. Like I said, not every run is great, but every time I safely push myself through a bad run, I grow a little stronger mentally and physically.

5.) A reminder to exercise moderation in all things.

6.) A way for me to find a "new normal" that's more healthy and balanced than I have been in the past.

7.) Fun! A race, when you're adequately prepared, is a great celebration of training and hard work.

What running is not:

1.) Punishment. 

2.) A way to "make up" for eating too much the day before.

3.) An "excuse" to binge eat afterward.

4.) Another stressor.

5.) A way to measure myself against anyone else, for better or for worse.

For today's run, I had this quote in mind courtesy of Dale Carnegie: 

 

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. 
If you want to conquer fear, 
do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Last night, I had a really stressful dream in which I kept encountering hurdles that kept me from going on my 13 mile run today. But I did not sleep through my 7am alarm, I did not eat a 5 course breakfast, and there was no snow on the ground (thank goodness)! All of these things happened in my dream, but I woke up feeling okay and the weather was beautiful. I read that quote and realized I just needed to get out and do the darn thing, and I'd feel better about it.

13.1 miles later. (The layers are for my ice bath, not my run in the 60 degree sun!)

That ended up only being part way true. This was a long long run, mentally and physically. I don't doubt that I can finish the Gobbler Grind half marathon in 13 days, but I do have doubts that it's going to be an awesome celebration of my training like my 10k was in September. 

I've really only had 4 "long" runs (over 5 miles) since the 10k: an 8-miler, a 10-miler, a 12-miler, and today's 13.1 miles. I would say that's irresponsible of me, but for the most part my lack of long runs is not due to me just being lazy. Depending on the week, I've been out-of-town, almost-injured, moving, and dealing with asthma. 

I don't mean to list these as excuses, and I really don't see them as such. Since my goal in becoming a runner is to create a healthy, life-long habit, I have to accept that I'm not always going to run exactly what's on my training plan. In fact, given the circumstances, I'm pretty proud of myself! I have increased my weekly mileage slowly and steadily. I know I'm not over-training. Yet I don't sleep well at night, I don't recover quickly, and I feel like I'm getting slower. I don't know if it's the weather, the new apartment, or what, but my asthma has been getting worse again and it's time to pay a visit to the doctor and figure out what's going on.

I really didn't mean for this to be another self-indulgent post. I guess typing this out helps me organize my thoughts, though. Today's run was only 1 mile longer than last week's long run, but it took me 20 more minutes to finish! That's actually not bad considering I had to resort to a run 5 minutes/walk 5 minutes the last 5 miles because I couldn't catch my breath.

I still plan on running 26 miles to celebrate my 26th birthday! The race will probably just be closer to home and closer to my actual birthday. I need a few good months of healthy running before launching into a marathon training plan.


Something for me to think about: There once was a man who cried because he had no shoes, until he met a man who had no feet. 

Your Life is Now

**Please excuse what I'm sure will be an excessively verbose post written in a haze of 

post-run euphoria. Read at your own risk.**

I really needed today's run! I felt a little guilty leaving the last bit of heavy furniture moving to Ross and my cousins to go run for 2 hours, but I really wanted to run, felt good enough to run, had perfect running weather, and needed to catch up on my training plan.

I only ran 12 miles total last week and ran that same amount all at once today. However, I am realistic enough to suspect that last week's unplanned "taper" certainly attributed to my mental and physical ability to run today. (And 5 days of Prednisone to calm my asthma back down certainly didn't hurt).

My legs were not extremely fond of me when I woke up this morning, thanks to all the stairs we did while moving yesterday, but I took it as a good sign that I was still chomping at the bit to run. Actually wanting to run has been a struggle for me lately.

I decided to run from the apartment to the Plaza. I knew the route and wouldn't have to second-guess trails ending, unknown elevation, etc. There were definitely rolling hills (my Garmin says about 1200 feet of total elevation change each way) and traffic, but I got out early enough to beat most of the traffic, at least.

The first 1.5 miles flew by (I don't know if I've ever said that in my life) and it felt so good to run without wheezing! I was just focused on getting to 4 miles (to take my Cliff Shot) and not thinking beyond that, lest I get overwhelmed. I had a great playlist of songs from high school, which helped a lot. I walked 1 minute for every 5 minutes of running, per usual, although it seems like every other 'walk' break actually involved me standing still and stretching my legs out.

I took that first Shot and was loving the sunshine and beautiful weather by mile 4. My hands were numb from cold, but that was my only complaint. I made it to the Plaza and did get a little overwhelmed when I turned around, realizing that was the farthest away I could possibly be and if I had to quit or walk, it'd be a LONG morning from there. Miles 6-8 were kind of rough, especially because traffic was getting worse and I was on a stretch with no shoulder or sidewalk (really, Kansas City? Be more pedestrian friendly.) I kept changing my stride to keep my legs warm and chugging along.

I took my second Shot right after mile 8 and definitely needed it. My legs were getting tired. I also wanted some more water then, too, but had to ration. (I was carrying a water bottle as I ran. I'm so glad I had it and it's an easy bottle to carry, but now my arms are sore. Lame!)

Shortly after that, I was cruising into familiar territory again and I knew I had a nice neighborhood and a downhill to end with. But first I had to climb back up into the neighborhood. Mile 11 was definitely the hardest. My legs were getting really stiff and heavy, and oddly getting cold which didn't help the stiffness. I got a pain behind my right knee and started to get worried.

Thankfully, John Mellencamp's "Your Life is Now" came on and energized me.

...This is your time, to do what you will do

Your life is now

Your life is now

Your life is now

In this undiscovered moment

Lift your head up above the crowd

We could shake this world

If you would only show us how

Your life is now...

I have been getting overwhelmed thinking about marathon mileage and training, and doubting weather I want to do it anymore. But this song reminded me, "if not now, when?!" It's something I've wanted to do for so long, and I'm slowly starting to think I CAN actually do it. (At least, a half seems totally attainable. Even doable in 2 hours and 30 minutes which is my goal!)

That song was just what I needed to dig deep, speed up a little, and finish strong! I'm so thankful that my breathing was pretty comfortable during today's run. That allowed me to just focus on my form and avoid further injury. I know I'm cutting it close with a busy week of work coming up and a few more long runs before I taper my half marathon, which is in *GULP* twenty-one days! I'm hoping today's run was a good step in the right direction!

From 1 Minute to 10 Miles

*Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, 

you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.*  

-Mark Victor Hansen

Last Friday I completed my first double-digit run since high school. And only the 2nd or 3rd in my entire life! I ran on the trail along the lake in Chicago and I'm thankful I had Navy Pier to distract me for the first third of my run. It seems that the most daunting part of a long run is the first few miles. When you've been running for 5 minutes, realizing oh man I have 9.5 miles to go... is not the most encouraging thought.

So I turned my thoughts to other things. I was alternately excited, worried, zoned-out, questioning my sanity, and euphoric.  "Excited" and "euphoric" were in short supply and really only filtered through my mind the first 5 minutes and the last 5 minutes of the run. The rest of it was, to be honest, uncomfortable. I was running s l o w l y so the miles seemed to be taking forever to tick by. The wind off the lake was chilly and my legs got stiff and sore pretty quickly.

I started to wonder why I was running a marathon. My mileage only goes up from here. My first official half marathon is one month away and that seemed scary enough. But, by the end of the run, I suddenly felt great and capable of anything... including 13.1 miles!

I finished my run at the Buckingham Fountain and the glitter off the bricks added to my euphoria. I couldn't help but smile. Gosh darn it, I'd just run 10 miles!

As I finished my run, I discovered another love song that now applies to running. "White Flag" by Dido came up on my iPod and it was a great song to finish with:

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

(I keep putting random playlists on my iPod and when I reach a song like this that gives me more energy, I move it to a marathon playlist. I'm hoping that listening to all the songs I've loved and that have improved my runs during training will help with nerves on race day.)

I didn't quit. I ran 10 miles! I'd say "if I can do it, anyone can," but I hate it when other people say that. Instead I'll say this: If you are reading this and you want to be a runner but you're afraid you can't do it, try. And then a few days later, try again. You'll never know until you try. 

A year ago, I had just traded my friends, my amazing workplace, and a city I loved for night shift at a new hospital and a long, dark, cold winter. I felt like I had no control over anything in my life, so I started running. One minute at a time. 

I'd run one minute and then walk for 2 minutes. It took the full 2 minutes for my wheezing to stop and allow me to catch my breath. I'd do this for 20-30 minutes and call it a day. After a week or two, I decreased my walking so I was running 1 minute and walking 1 minute. Once that was comfortable, I upped my running to 2 minutes and continued to walk 1 minute. I worked up to 3, 4, and 5 minute intervals. Each week I started a new interval, you can bet I was staring at my watch waiting for the moment I could walk again!

It took me 7 months to run 3 miles without stopping, and 8-9 months to increase the mileage of my thrice weekly runs above 3 miles at a time. I still have some really bad workouts. I continue to struggle with motivation, the occasional aches and pains, and proper fueling. But I'm SO GLAD I started running.  When you have a good run, there's no better feeling in the world!

Not all Runs are Good

Today's run managed to NOT be an epic fail for one reason and one reason only: I finished the 6.2 miles I set out to do.  I did not finish fast, even though there were fewer hills than I'm used to.  My legs did not feel good afterward, even though I hadn't run since last Wednesday. My water break was more helpful than hurtful, since it gave me a sidestitch for the last 2 miles.

I could attribute it to the fact that I haven't been eating well lately. Lots of unhealthy treats (are they still treats when you eat multiple ones in place of healthier food at meal times?) and not enough vegetables.

I could blame the fact that Ross and I are housesitting/babysitting so I'm not sleeping in my own bed, eating my own food, or living in my relatively allergen-free apartment. When I wake up with sore knees, hips, back, and shoulders, I know the mattress I've been sleeping on is too hard. Starting a run with aching joints is not encouraging.

I forgot to get my allergy shot last week (September is flying by!) and I need to refill my Sudafed. The 80+ degree sunshine and what felt like 80% humidity was a killer icing on top of this allergen-crazy-house + absence-of-allergy-shot-and-asthma-medicine cake. (I also forgot my Xopenex inhaler, which could have helped pre-run).

I felt GREAT the first two miles, pushed through to three, and then basically fell apart. My pace went from 10-minute miles to 12-minute miles. My hips and knees were complaining. I would've carried a scythe if it would have cut through the humidity and allowed me to breathe easier.

But I came home and took an ice bath.

+

And then a long, hot shower.

I was tempted to call it a bad run and make 1,000 excuses, but:

a) not all runs are amazing. That's the nature of the beast.

b) A year ago, I could barely run 2 miles in run-2-minute, walk-2-minute intervals, so this run is still a success. It's the longest I've run since senior year of high school and I'm proud of that fact! I always considered myself a runner, even during my years-long lapse in running, but now I'm proving it to myself again. (What does that say about me? Hopelessly optimistic or naively ignorant?)

c) Running is a surprisingly equal-opportunity sport. The only person you can fairly compete with is yourself. And despite my whining and grumbling, this run was actually (shockingly) only a minute slower than my goal of 70 minutes. I just need to even out my pace a bit for next week's run.

I'm running my first official 10k next Sunday and I'm so excited! Each long run makes my marathon dream more real. I've started and stopped marathon training twice. Once was in college when I was going to run the Dallas White Rock Marathon with Team in Training. (Hence the shirt I'm wearing in today's picture). I feel really bad about this one because I raised all the money I needed to (thanks to generous friends and family) but about a month into it, I got shingles and a month after that, I got viral pharyngitis. My doctor said no marathon. Something (nursing school, no doubt) was messing with my immune system and stressing my body more would make it worse.

The second attempt was last summer. Ross and I were really getting into it and suffering through long, hot runs after work (it helped that I got out of work earlier in Texas. It also helped that we had a trail system in our backyard). But then we found out we were moving the same weekend as the marathon I'd signed up for and I quit. I could've kept running, but I didn't. This year, I did. I ran through night shift, I ran through terrible heat waves, I'm running through hills since I don't have a gym membership, and I'm oddly looking forward to running through cold and snow (please feel free to remind me of this when I complain later).

And this year, one bad run isn't going to get the best of me!

Something to think about: Need motivation? Check out this video that's gone viral lately: All you have to do, is do it.

High Five

I love my legs! Look what the did for me today:

 5.11 miles in 57 minutes on hilly terrain around my apartment. I finally feel like my 10k in 2 weeks in doable. (My not-so-secret-now time goal is 1 hour 10 minutes).

After 10 months of running, I finally feel like I'm running toward something instead of away from something! Thank you endorphins.

5 miles, baby!

Thought for the day: "Hills are speedwork in disguise." -Frank Shorter

Own It

Ross and I ran 4 miles this morning! Well, we ran 5 minutes and walked 1 minute and repeated that pattern until we'd covered the distance we needed. But 4 miles is still 4 miles and I'm going to own that accomplishment! It took long enough to get here. 

 

The farthest I've ever run in my life is 13.1 miles, but that was 7 years ago. So for now, 4 miles is a new personal distance record (PDR).  Running in the shade and the slightly cooler weather helped so much! As did a good iPod mix. And knowing Ross was behind me, expecting me to finish.

 On to Week 4 of my 10k training plan!