Ash Wednesday

Sadly, I didn't get to go to church this Wednesday because I am in the middle of 3 night shifts in a row. However, I love Ash Wednesday. Here's one of my favorite songs from services when I was a kid:

Ashes
We rise again from ashes,
from the good we've failed to do.
We rise again from ashes,
to create ourselves anew.
If all our world is ashes,
then must our lives be true,
An offering of ashes,
An offering to You.

We offer You our failures,
we offer You attempts;
The gifts not fully given,
the dreams not fully dreamt.
Give our stumblings direction,
give our visions wider view,
An offering of ashes,
An offering to You.

Then rise again from ashes,
let healing come to pain;
Though spring has turned to winter,
and sunshine turned to rain.
The rain we'll use for growing,
and create the world anew,
From an offering of ashes,
An offering to You.

Thanks be to the Father,
who made us like Himself.
Thanks be to His Son,
who saved us by His death.
Thanks be to the Spirit,
who creates the world anew,
From an offering of ashes,
An offering to You.

It's a very simple gospel song, but the lyrics are just so beautiful and poignant. I always get chills when we sing it!

Are you giving up anything for Lent? I'm not so good at giving things up (therefore it'd probably be good for me to make myself do so); instead, I'm making a "Lenten Resolution" to go to church every Sunday this season. I know that sounds like a small thing, and very easy for some. But it's hard to want to get up and go to church when you've only gotten an hour or two of sleep! I like the church we've chosen for now, but I wish it were closer. The drive also makes it hard to get up and go in the mornings. But I'm excited for the "Just..." series they're doing right now (see several posts ago) and I really need to re-center my life on the One thing that matters most and Lent is a great time to do that.

Cowtown Marathon

Marathon
Back in November, I mentioned that I was going to start training for the February 2011 Cowtown Marathon with my friend Emily Gilmore. We started running then but got sidetracked by holiday travels and winter weather. We started again in January (hence my New Year's resolutions) and I'm still running!
However, I have attempted to train for a marathon before and seen it fizzle out for 1,000 reasons. I was talking to my Dad about India when I realized I wasn't going to be able to go on that mission trip, and he brought up the marathon. My parents know me better than I know myself sometimes! I'm the type of person who will say "yes" to everything, but I rarely follow through. He said not to set my hopes too high on the marathon, either. But if I really wanted to do it, I needed to set a goal and a date on which to re-committ and know that I'm able to put the work and time in to train.
Therefore, since I've been going to the gym and running and feeling an improvement (for the most part... although this Monday was rough), I feel that it's safe to tell you my short-term goals and my re-committment date. Ross and I are running the Truffle Shuffle 5k on March 6 (I have no idea why they chose that name, sorry!) and we have the March for Babies (sponsored by March of Dimes) on May 1. I'm hoping to run the entire 5k next month without taking a walking break.
I think the key will be to keep signing up for little events along the way, several 5ks and 10ks and maybe even a half-marathon (although if the timing doesn't work out with my training, I don't have my heart set on that). That way, it puts more pressure on me to keep running. The Cowtown Marathon is a year away, giving me a false sense of security. I'll think, "I have plenty of time to train for this! I don't need to work out today!" An immediate deadline is much more motivating. Bottom line, if I can run 5 miles without stopping by May 1, I'm going to officially re-committ to the marathon and it will be much more realistic and tangible then!
Kansas
In other news, I can't BELIEVE we've been in Kansas for 4 months as of today! It's growing on us, but I still don't let myself dwell on Texas too much-- it makes me heartsick. We're hopefully going to Amarillo in March for Ross' spring break ("spring break-- wohoo!") and in May we're GOING TO DENTON/FT. WORTH for Emily's grad school graduation!!!!
Work
I'm still on night shift with no end in sight, but having a primary patient makes me want to go to work a little more because I get to see how she's doing! Her parents are so wonderful and they've been able to take all her ups and downs in stride and be here for her every day. I wish all babies had parents like that.

You Know You're a NICU Nurse When...

I stumbled upon this list when I was looking for that CPAP picture in the last post. I've seen it before and I thought I'd share an edited version. If you think these are at all offensive, let me know and I'll take it down. I think I edited out the most offensive ones, though.

You know you're a NICU nurse when...

1. You weigh diapers and always make note of poop color.

2. At one time or another you've had breast milk, poop, or urine on your work clothes.

3. You have affectionately called a patient wimpy white boy or FLK (funny looking kid) in report.

4. You can change your patient's bed linens with one hand while holding your patient in the other. (This always impresses Ross. He's seen me do it!)

5. On a related note, you can swaddle a kid so well that you can "palm" them with one hand at their head doesn't flop around.

6. You can make an IV arm board out of some 4x4 gauze and tape.

7. You've used a sock, a beanbag, or a piece of tape for a restraint.

8. Jaundice is the first thing you notice when you see a friend's new baby.

9. You use a cotton ball to obtain urine samples.

10. You use Saran Wrap to keep micro-preemies warm.

11. You refer to pacifiers as "mute buttons."

12. You think the pulse oximeter, CPAP, and those leads that barely stick were created by someone who hates nurses. And babies.

13. You have ever shown a doctor a green residual while they were eating.

14. You have obtained a 10ml residual when the patient only "eats" 1ml.

15. You have put an intensive care patient in a swing.

16. You don't get excited if your patient has a heart rate of 180 and if they have a bradycardia episode, you usually just have to pat them gently on the butt a few times to recover.

17. You prepare your patient's bath water in a (clean) emesis basin.

18. You use a rubber band for a tourniquet.

19. Newborn babies look like preschoolers to you.

20. You have assisted with emergency surgery on your patient in their bed and on the unit.

21. You have considered using medical tape to hold a pacifier in a screaming baby's mouth.

22. Sugar water is a genuine pain medication in your unit.

23. Adult-sized medical equipment freaks you out!

24. It never ceases to amaze you how much noise a 3 lb. baby can make.

25. You've taken care of a baby no bigger than your outstretched hand (my smallest was 405 grams-- that's 14.25 oz.)

26. You get attached to your tiniest patients because you take care of them for months at a time!

Set Your Intentions

Most of the time, I think Bikram Choudhury is a materialistic windbag, but I have to admit there's something about Bikram yoga that I find comforting. It's a 90-minute sweat session in a 100+ degree room that never fails to kick my butt, but I love it!

First off, it's not hard to look forward to working out in a sauna-like room when it's bitter cold out! Much easier to muster up courage to leave the apartment when I'm headed to yoga than to the creaky treadmill at the big, drafty gym.

I also like knowing we'll be doing the same 26 postures in the same order every time. You know exactly how hard the workout is, so you can anticipate this and decide early on exactly how much effort you can put into it to get what you want out of it.

The teachers all learn the same scripted dialogue, so you hear more or less the same thing every class. However, different things will always stand out to you depending on the day. The point of this post is that at the start of the balancing series (the hardest 5-6 postures for me), they often say "set your intentions now," basically meaning that you need to make up your mind in that moment that you're going to put your full effort into the postures.

I tend to wimp out during the standing head-to-knee posture. I have a huge mental block against it for some reason! But yesterday I decided that I needed to suck it up and attempt every single posture, including that one and the triangle pose, which also freaks me out. I did both of them and you know what? I survived! It was a better class because of it! And my heart rate slowed down soon enough that I wasn't too exhausted to immediately go into the next posture. I know its a small victory, but it meant a lot. I realize that I need to "set my intentions" and follow through a lot more often! It would improve my confidence level, that's for sure.

Dandayamana Janushirasana (Standing Head-to-Knee pose). Ironically, it's supposed to build mental strength and improve concentration in addition to using all major muscle groups and strengthening the back.

Bikram yoga isn't for everyone, and I'm using it as an adjunct to runnning instead of treating it as the only legitimate exercise program out there like Bikram does (I'm telling you, he's one crazy guy). I'll keep going once or twice a week until the weather outside is hotter than the studio, and I'll be back next fall when the first real cold front blows in! Baking isn't the only way to stay warm through the Midwestern winter. In the meantime, I'll practice "setting my intentions" and following through!

Super (Bowl) Sunday

Yesterday was a good day. For starters, Ross and I went to church at 11:00am and FINALLY found a church we both like! I'm ashamed to admit that the church hunt fell to the wayside with holidays and traveling to see families. And then either Ross was working Sunday mornings or I had worked the Saturday night before and just wanted to go home and go to sleep. I know, excuses, excuses. The verdict for now seems to be Heartland Community Church in Olathe. It's a 15 minute drive, which isn't ideal but then again, we were spoiled having Christ Chapel 5 minutes away from our apartment in Fort Worth.

We chose a good Sunday to attend. This was the first Sudnay of a series called "Just..." They played the U2 song "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and I think it summed up my life right now! The pastor was talking about how we tend to live in the past and the immediate future instead of the present and the eternal future like we should. I know I certainly find myself thinking, "things will be better when I can just move to day shift, just wait until the weather is warmer, just pay off our credit card, just save up for a house...

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." I always read this and think that "in its time" means, "someday in the future when the timing is right." However, it can also be read, "He has made everything beautiful in its time," which is the present. I don't know if I'm doing justice to the sermon, but it was very, well, timely. We can't wait to get more involved in church again! I'm sure some of our stress lately has been because we lost our center in Christ and let ourselves become distracted with daily worries instead.

Sunday evening, we went to my Aunt Theresa and Uncle Charlie's house for the Super Bowl. I played Rumicube and drank wine with my aunt and some of her friends while Ross and all the boys watched the game. We had a lot of fun and munched on yummy game food. All in all, it was the best Sunday we've had in a while.

A New Day

Metaphor
by Eve Merriam

Morning is
a new sheet of paper
for you to write on.

Whatever you want to say,
all day,
until night
folds it up
and files it away.

The bright words and the dark words
are gone
until dawn
and a new day
to write on.

Happy February

Fort Worth spoiled me. I start anticipating spring this month when in reality, it'll probably come to Kansas City in early April. At least the snow is gone for now... and yesterday was sunny even though today isn't!

We've had a busy weekend. On Saturday, Ross went over to my cousins' house to stay with John and Jimmy for a few days while my aunt and uncle went to Arizona. I went to work Saturday night and finally did my first admit in my new unit! Even more exciting, her parents are really nice. I finally feel official! I even went and bought "my" baby some preemie clothes at Wal-Mart, although she won't fit into them for a while.

After getting some sleep on Sunday, I joined the boys at the Dixon's house and we stayed until Tuesday afternoon. Thanks to their cousin Emily (on the other side of their family), I started reading the Twilight books while I was there. She had left the first one at their house during a summer visit and I was desperate for something to read. Then, of course, I had to read the other three. The books are so creepy, I can't put them down until I'm done. I'd have nightmares if I went to sleep without knowing how things end up.

I literally read one Twilight book a day on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I'm so embarrassed! I mean, the story is intriguing but I still think Harry Potter books are infinitely better-written, more symbolic, and more complex (sorry Brittnye). But I can't deny that I want to see how Twilight ends up and, of course, I want to see why everyone's so obsessed with the movies. For those who know (or even care) about Twilight, I do have to say this: how can you fall in love with someone who is stone cold?! I'm always so cold... I'd choose Jacob over Edward any day. I'm also biased because I liked Robert Pattinson so much better as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter than as Edward in Twilight.
Okay. Teen-geek-fest over. I think I need to end this post now before embarrassing myself further. On the bright side, I get to see "my" baby tonight!