Five Years

Dear Ross,

Sometimes I feel like people don't take us seriously because we've "only" been married for 5 years, or because we don't have kids yet, or because we aren't homeowners. I have to remind myself, "don't let others look down on you because you are young..." But I also have to remember, we are young! (Even when I give you a hard time about being in the last year of your 20s).

During these early years, though, I've felt so old. I felt so worn, so broken, and so weary, so early on. We stumbled straight into "for worse" but today, despite all circumstances, I feel like we're easing into "for better." I'd love to stand here and say, we chose each other! We chose the hard thing! But really, the choice was never ours to make. God used the rough edges of the past 5 years to smooth our restless hearts and when we looked with clarity, the answer was already there: You were already always a part of me.

Our marriage was a teeter-totter for so long, ready to slam us on the ground either way at the slightest breath: all in or all out. It feels like God tipped the scales in favor of us before we were ever ready to put the work in. We were pulling one way, and he gently laid a loving but heavy hand on the opposite seat and said, come this way. We fought. But slowly, so slowly, our marriage began to tip toward all in.

And today, I have nothing but gratefulness in my heart that that slow, involuntary tip toward us has become a landslide. I'm all in. I know more about you than I ever fathomed the day we said "I do," but I also love you more than I ever thought I would.

God carried us through the dark days and showed us how to choose each other. We're growing into "for better" and it's that much sweeter now. Someday we'll be better at sharing our story. About boldly declaring, "look what God did when we messed up beyond the point of no return!"

But until then, we'll tell each other, and we'll tell those close to us. We'll remind each other that if God can know us intimately and still choose us, we can see the worst in each other and still choose love. Love sees the best, too. And loving you grows easier and easier.

Happy Anniversary!

All my love,

           your wife