Thirty doesn't look quite as scary as it used to. Twenty-nine was a good year. So good and so fast, thanks largely in part to a little guy named Noah. Crazy I'd never even seen his face this time last year, and now I don't want to imagine life without him!
In a lot of ways, I feel less like myself this ever as I coast into thirty. I
suspect most of that is due to the fact that my "self" is still
adjusting to the addition of the "Mom" title and the responsibilities and realities that it entails. But I love it, so onward and
My 20s were beautiful, wonderful, crazy, cringe-worthy, and memorable.
Filled with lots of love and lots of heartbreak. And I completely wigged out about turning 25. Can you believe that was 5 years ago?! At that time, I couldn't even fathom 30. I tend to be a past-thinker, and at 25 I was dwelling on how far away college seemed, how heavy the day-to-day felt, and how life seemed to be running ahead without me.
On the one hand, thank God I wasn't thinking about some perfect, rosy future materializing by the magical age of 30, because it's been a hell of a ride from there to here. But on the other hand, faith and hope would've carried me a long way on that dark road: knowing that come what may, God's will prevails. And His will is always for my good and for His glory.
The irony, of course, is that faith and hope are rarely learned except through trial. I'd like to think, as a friend recently said to Ross and me, that your 20s are for making mistakes and your 30s are for learning from them.
Not that I won't make mistakes in my 30s. Ha! But maybe instead of careening from one bad mistake to the next impulsive decision while simultaneously accumulating more and more regret and anxiety, the next decade will see me mellow out a little instead.
I do know that God WILL instruct me and teach me in the ways I should go. He WILL counsel me with his loving eye on me (Psalm 32). Instead of being stubborn and learning by trial and error, I want to learn more by trust. I want to learn more in silence and in waiting. I want to find peace in knowing that God's plan will unfold exactly as it should, and that as long as I'm willing to listen, He will let me know when it's my turn to participate, instead of me panicking and grasping at straws and trying to force circumstances to bend to my will.
I feel at peace with the big picture of my life right now. In fact, I kind of love it. I'm thankful to be starting a new decade, and I'm thankful for the decade that got me here.
P.S. For my birthday, Noah gave us an unprecedented stretch of sleep. He slept from 6:45pm-5:20am. Yeah baby! [Insert all the praise hands emojis here]