Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A Disservice to the Cross

This Friday, a friend made a comment that stopped me in my tracks:

If you go to bed at night thinking you will do better tomorrow, you're doing a disservice to the cross.



Almost every single night, I'm laying in bed thinking that tomorrow, I will stop pulling my hair when I'm anxious. Tomorrow, I will stop eating when I feel sad or bored, and just eat when I'm hungry. Tomorrow, I will do my homework and not waste time. Tomorrow, I will tell my loved ones how much they mean to me. Tomorrow, I will be able to make big decisions. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Let's be honest. If behavior modification were the answer, I would have 'fixed myself' years ago. The point is, I will never be perfect. While we are still sinners, Christ dies for us. That's a hard truth for me to swallow. I'm well-versed in my own sin. I have no illusions as to the nature of my true self. Why should someone else take the blame?

How do you let someone step in front of you when you know full well that you deserve punishment to fit the crime? When I think I can do better tomorrow or I can fix this, I'm denying the fact that Jesus had to die so that I might live. Because I can't just do better. And if I think I can, I'm placing myself in the position of God, no? Let's not lose the weight of this: WE need GOD. Not the other way around.

I'm not saying that I can't strive to honor the body and the responsibilities and the family members I've been given in this life. But I am saying that only one thing is of first importance. And only in light of the cross can I actually do anything of lasting importance.

And when the idea of doing something of 'lasting importance' completely overwhelms me, I can rest in the arms of my Creator and know that simply living in thanksgiving of this Gift is all He asks of me.
I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:
 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his mercies never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him."

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