The Husband I Always Wanted

I recently listened a sermon entitled, New Marriage, Same Spouse. If you had shared this concept with me a year ago, I would have scoffed and laughed nervously. But mercy found me this summer.

Hope is real.

And God is bigger than I ever would have dreamed.

I have a bad habit of discussing an impending decision ad nauseum until I've talked myself in a circle and everyone around me has tuned out. The latest topic du jour has been a mission trip to Guatemala that I need to decide on... today.

Ever since I became a Registered Nurse five years ago (yikes!), I've wanted to use the education I was blessed with for the benefit of someone outside myself. To make a difference and not just a paycheck.

Time and time again opportunities have presented themselves and then fallen through. Last month, I heard about a chance to go to Guatemala through my school. The timing seems perfect and the price is right. I used to be obsessed with Guatemala when I was little. The trip is a pediatric nursing mission trip through a Christian university for crying out loud. How great is that?!

So I signed up and paid a deposit, but it didn't sit well. I wasn't filled with fear of going or a gut feeling that I was making a bad decision, but I just wasn't excited. If anything, I was more afraid of not going and missing out! I was growing frustrated with God. I wanted a clear answer. But all I could think was, I'm so tired right now. Taking a month off from school, being done with my teaching assistant job, hanging out with family over the holidays... those things sound really good. I know this is coming from a place of fatigue and weariness, but I can't deny those feelings.

I have another bad habit of presenting a situation to Ross, asking his opinion, and then playing devil's advocate and arguing the other side until he's really confused and frustrated. This usually ends in an argument not at all related to the decision I was trying to make in the first place. But last night, we discussed. We kept digging. Ross gave an opinion and held his ground. I fretted. Ross presented his case clearly and made me laugh, and I felt at peace.

I'm sad that this trip doesn't seem to be in the cards for me, but I'm overwhelmingly grateful that my husband listened to my heart and helped me make a tough decision! My fear of missing out is really a deep-seated fear that God won't provide the perfect mission trip on my timetable. And that's always a hard lesson to learn.

Instead of cramming more on my plate right now, I'm trying to keep all the current balls in the air and anticipate the moment when I can just sit down and stop juggling.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, 

and I will give you rest.  {Matthew 11:28}