However, the morning of our Ziptrek Tour, I started to feel a little panicky after visiting the waterfalls. We were so high up on those observation decks and I realized that in a few hours, I might be that high off the ground, with nothing but a harness and a rope to keep me from falling.
I was really, really nervous.
(My mom was fearless!)
Pictures don't do my fear justice because I'm wearing sunglasses, but I was just terrified to step off that platform. I don't know if it's age making me more fearful since all the worst-case scenarios run through my head, but I think it's also something more.
I've been living in a very fearful place for the last few years. Very cautious. Very apprehensive. Very afraid that God's going to punish me if I take one wrong step.
And that fear then invades other aspects of my life. If you could zoom in on the above picture, you would see that my arms are bulging from holding on so tight. As if my best grip could keep me up in the air traveling at this height and this speed.
(I mean, my dad reminded me that after you're more than 20 feet in the air, it doesn't really matter how high you are when you fall. 30 stories or 30 feet? Same deal. Thanks.)
After a few runs, I started to trust. Trust our guides, trust the line, trust my harness.
(I think my dad and I shared similar sentiments about flying over canyons with nothing beneath our feet.)
I'll be honest, I was pretty much shaking the whole time. But I just prayed for confidence and safety and balance walking across wobbly bridges in the tree canopy on the edge of a cliff. (No, I don't want to bounce on the bridge, thanks.)
In the end, letting go was worth it. Realizing I wasn't even remotely in control was freeing. Stepping into the unknown was exhilarating. (I even did a flip on the last run!) I wish I'd let go sooner.
You came near when I called you and you said, 'Do not fear.' Lamentations 3:57
(also, we saw a black bear on the mountain bike trails at the end of our tour. it was awesome.)
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