Jayhawk in Training?

I'm still missing Texas like crazy, but I haven't had much time to think about it. My hospital orientation is INTENSE! I've been studying all night for two tests I have tomorrow. Yes, TESTS two years out of school :-( One is dosage calculation, which I expected. The other is on deep sedation which is over my head at this point! I'm just far enough out of school to "lose it" since I haven't "used it"!

I didn't want to post until I had something positive to say, so I'll say this: if I lay in bed without my glasses on and stare at the dresser, I can pretend we're still in our old apartment! But seriously, our neighborhood is full of trees and the leaves are all shades of yellow and some brilliant reds. I do love fall and if the sunshine would come back, it'd be gorgeous outside!

I start night shift next Friday and I work 7pm-7:30am that Friday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Quite the reality check. Ross and I are reading through the Gospel of Mark right now and the other night we read Mark 4: 35-40. Jesus is at sea with the disciples when a great storm hits their boat. Jesus is asleep while the men are panicking. They wake him up saying, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" He says to the sea, "Quiet! Be still!" The wind stops and there is a great calm. Then Jesus asks the disciples, "Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?"

Do I not yet have faith after 24 years?! I sit here feeling sorry for myself, but why should I be terrified of all these changes? Would God really just send me to Kansas to be miserable? Of course not! Yet all my prayers are selfish, that MY will be done over HIS. That is, when I remember to talk to God about any of this in the first place.

As Psalm 107 says, I should be giving thanks to the Lord, for He IS good:

Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle.
They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and He delivered them from their distress.
He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love
and his wondrous deeds for men [...]
Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
for they had rebelled against the words of God
and despised the counsel of the Most High.
So He subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled and there was no one to help.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love!

Psalm 107:4-15a