New Year

Some years, I'm so ready for the New Year. A clean slate. Good riddance, and all that. Other years, I have so much to look forward to, that the New Year simply rings in promises of even better times ahead. This year, we're ten thirteen days in, the sun is shining, and I'm just now realizing, huh, it's a new year! (Even though I got used to writing 2015* on my new-hire paperwork during yet another hospital orientation this week.)

We rung 2015 in lying awake in bed, praying that the fireworks outside wouldn't wake the sleeping baby. (They did). Since then, it hasn't been off to the most auspicious start, since Ross got the flu last week, Noah got it mid-week, and now I'm sick and had to call in on the first day of my new job. Nothing like being sick to make you slow down and give you time to reflect.

2014... it was a wonderful year overall. It started off rough, when we lost my Grandma Ginny through undesirable circumstances. We struggled to prepare a home for a baby as our fixer-upper house continuously proved more than we had bargained for. But 2014 was also the year my brother got married. And the year our lives changed forever when we welcomed a sweet little baby boy into the world... the day before counter-tops got installed in our kitchen- ha!

2014 went by in the blink of an eye, and the last 6 months have been a blur of delicious, exhausting, terrifying, exhilarating newborn-ness. And here we are, somehow ten thirteen days into this new year. (And I still haven't figured out how to finish things when I start them).

The thing is, regardless of the date on the calendar, the excess of the holidays leads us to want to swing into restraint when it's all over. To hunker down and focus on something other than the dreary weather standing between us and spring. (Or maybe that's just me?)

I'm struggling to get back into a rhythm of daily devotional time, since naps are inconsistent and whatnot. But I read this today and I'm more convinced that ever that I can't put this off any longer. Getting back into the Word is simply necessary and it affects every other area of my life:

Yet I've never been more aware that spiritual formation based on the "binge and purge" cycle simply doesn't work. Our spiritual hearts need to be strengthened by the grace of the Gospel daily, all year long. We cannot afford periods of "cruise control" when we leave the banquet of your love for a buffet of comfort foods, fast foods, and junk foods. Just like the physical hearts you've given us, our spiritual heart muscles will atrophy if we don't take care of them.

So thank you for the "means of grace"-- the good gifts you've freely given us to help us grow in grade and the knowledge of Jesus. Thank you for the Bible, your written Word, through which you reveal yourself and feed us with the riches of the Gospel. Thank you for prayer, meditation, and corporate worship, by which you meet and fellowship with us. Thank you for the sacraments of baptism and the Lord's supper, these tangible expressions of your covenant love and grace.

Father, you won't love us more of less based on our use of these good gifts. But we certainly demonstrate and deepen our love for you as we do so. By the convicting work of your Holy Spirit, let us be far more concerned about flabby, graceless hearts than bigger love handles. Because you love us, don't let us get used to being spiritually lazy. May we come to the point where we'd sooner avoid oxygen and water than the means of grace.  {from Everyday Prayers by Scotty Smith}

There are a handful of other things I'd like to do in the coming months, but first things first, right?




*As an aside, I remember early in grade school when I figured out I was going to be alive to see the change in millenia... from the 1900s to the 2000s. I did the math and realized I'd turn 15 years old in 2000, and that seemed so old. GULP. Where have the last 15 years gone!?

Do You Remember?

Do you remember the last time you rode a roller coaster? Mine must've been junior or senior year of college when I was at Six Flags with some friends. We'd been several times over the years, but for some reason that last visit just wasn't as fun. I remember thinking the roller coasters were unpleasant instead of adventurous. Kind of bone-jarring and nauseating. I thought to myself, huh, I must be growing up. That's not to say I wouldn't hop on one again just to make sure, but I'm not really chomping at the bit to do so, either.

Our friend Andrew posted a Bill Watterson quote on Facebook tonight that seemed to perfectly summarize my thoughts as I slipped into the contemplative reverie many of us find ourselves in this time of year: "The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive. At that time, we turn around and say, yes, this is obviously where I was going all along."

Of course, I won't pretend to sit here on New Year's Eve thinking that I've actually arrived. Do we ever arrive? My limited experience with adulthood says no. But for the first time in a long time, my thoughts have slowed down enough for me to look back and see that so far, it all needed to happen like this. I don't mean to be morbidly vague, but coming to the end of yourself is quite possibly the best thing you can ever hope for. Only then can you glimpse how big God is.

Last year I was all, good riddance 2012. This year, I would like to think that I'm wholeheartedly grateful for 2013. The dark, dark spring allowed the sun to shine so much brighter in the summer when I was ready to let it in.

I feel like the last 3 years  no, four years,  or five? okay maybe the last six years have been one massive roller coaster. I graduated from college in 2007 with bright eyes and high hopes, as one should! I saw all the freedoms of adulthood laid out before me and had no grasp of the responsibility it takes to build an intentional life. I mean, I knew how to manage my money and balance my checkbook (thanks Dad!). But there was no deeper concept that maybe adulthood is harder than it looks when you're a kid. I feel like this is fairly common. Quarter-life crises abound when reality starts to hit, right?

Anyway, I stepped off that stage, diploma in hand, and unwittingly stepped onto the crazy roller coaster of young adulthood.

I don't mean to stretch an analogy too far, but if you've been on this roller coaster surely you can empathize. At first, it's exciting! After all, the unknown stretching out before you is full of possibilities. There's a bit of an uphill climb, but that's to be expected as you start your career! Then at some point, your feet fall out from under you. Maybe it scares you, maybe it thrills you, maybe you're too busy worrying about how you look to notice how fast and far you fell. The roller coaster picks up speed, but that's life! You're busy. You're living life to the fullest or something like that.

As the roller coaster continues to accelerate rapidly, maybe you start to loose your breath. The turns are steeper and the climbs and subsequent drops become more and more frequent. Your stomach is constantly in your throat. Your teeth are rattling. Maybe you're still riding high on adrenaline, or maybe you start to get scared. You can't see where you're going anymore. You're terrified of what loops and twists and turns lay ahead. You realize you can't do anything to make this roller coaster stop. You think you'd rather be anywhere but here. You knuckles are white. Maybe you're screaming, maybe you're mute.

Suddenly, before you have time to think about what's happening, you grind to a halt. The machine throws your safety harness off and you're expected to test your sea legs on the hollow wooden platform. Is the platform shaking, or are you? Once you catch your breath, you step back and look at the behemoth before you with respect and a whole new appreciation for what just happened. Also maybe with gratitude because it's a little bit ridiculous that you're somehow still intact.

This is how I'm feeling on the cusp of a brand new year. I have a deep appreciation for where I've been, and I wouldn't change a thing. I feel like I've stepped off of one roller coaster long enough for the dust to settle-- finally! But I'm not so naive now. I know entirely new adventures await. Thankfully, 2013 taught me that the safety belt of God's peace will help a whole lot more than my own conniving plans to stop the roller coaster or somehow direct its course. Because sometimes you can't stop it. You just have to hold on for dear life, or let Someone hold onto you.

Year in Review

A friend recently asked me what the best and worst moments of 2013 were, and as I thought back it was truly hard to believe the incredible amount of change that has occurred in the past 365 days.

Here's a really brief summary of my year:

8... months of accutane

5... years of marriage

5... countries visited (US, Canada, Haiti, Slovenia, Croatia. My first real mission trip and my first trip to Europe in the same year! I never would've seen that coming.)

4... distinct seasons of life conveniently marked by the seasons of the year (a dark winter, a testing spring, a leap of faith and lessons in rest and trust this summer, and relief and abundance this fall)

3... number of new jobs I've had in the past year 

3... number of oceans I visited! (Pacific, Atlantic, and Adriatic Sea. Amazing.)

2... Gospel Communities

2... times we drove to DFW, effectively doubling the number of times we've visited since moving 4 years ago. Miss that place!

1... blog redesign. Click over to check it out! (Credit to Jessi from Naptime Diaries for working so patiently with me.)

1... graduate school class. Yikes. (Halfway done, but in a holding pattern right now.)

1.... precious baby on its way!


Here's another summary via my Instagram pictures!  To avoid confusion, keep in mind the video starts with this December and moves backward, ending last January. Whew! What a year.