Total Eclipse of the Heart

...Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears

This morning I got to my car at 6:20 and it wouldn't start. Ross had already been at work since 6:00 (yes, we both work weekends and holidays) so I had to call him, make him leave work, drive him back to work, and then drive myself to work. I surprisingly wasn't that upset about the car thing in the moment- I'm sure I wasn't fully awake yet. And I was only 10 minutes late to work.

I spent an inordinate amount of time preventing fussy babies from reaching the meltdown point.

But it really wasn't a bad day at work, all things considered (that phrase always makes me think of listening to NPR in the car with my dad: "...and I'm Linda Wortheimer").



...Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by

I probably shouldn't blog when I'm this tired. I'm not sure why I'm still awake (these days, 10:30pm is SO past my bedtime). I just got done with 3 shifts in a row. Certainly not terrible, but not great. I'm afraid I'm already getting "burnt out" on my career, considering 4 or 5 shifts in a row sounds impossible even though it's only been a few months since I've done something crazy like that.

I've still been working a lot (big surprise... 60 hours this week) but I'm not totally dead on my feet. This must mean I'm adjusting to the day shift schedule again.  My healthy lunch habit kind of falls apart after the third shift in a row, but I did manage to run 3 times this week in addition to working 5 shifts! And I have a much-needed and long-overdue vacation coming up soon, with 2 actual vacation days off-- not just some travel crammed between longs stretches of work. My first time off in 10 months!



...Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes

I was drinking a canned Starbuck's espresso this morning, looking at the break room calendar and thinking, "why does this seem like an important date?"  And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Or a ton of feathers (well, 2000 pounds is 2000 pounds, but you know what I mean). It was so significant, yet so... not. July 25, 2008 was supposed to be the day I married my college boyfriend. It would have been a long engagement (over a year and a half), and it ended after 2 months instead.

I married Ross on September 19, 2008 instead.

When I think "Brian," my mind somehow remembers him as a high-schooler when I just had a crush on him, instead of picturing him as the Brian I dated for so long. Is that odd? Maybe it's my brain trying to protect me?

Ross and I started dating 3 years and 1 month ago, and even a month into our relationship, I found it hard to believe there was ever a time I didn't know him. Even then, I knew we were never not meant to find each other. Imagine how weird that's going to feel after 50 (God-willing) years!



...Every now and then 
   I fall apart

Thank you Ross, for holding me together.

Photo from June 2010