Thursday, April 8, 2010

God Will Provide

I posted my day shift/night dilemma on Facebook and got some great responses.

My old co-worker Nancy said, "Girl, take the day shift! Eat Ramen noodles. Work an extra shift. Nothing is better than having a normal sleep/wake cycle."

Another old co-worker, Crystal, said "I vote for days! You may have less money but at least you could see Ross and be like normal people!"

My current KU night shift co-workers also chimed in. Kellie said, "As much as I don't want you to go to days YOU do what YOU need to do!!! I believe God provides to us what we need even when we think it is not possible!!!"

Jennifer reminded me, "GOD totally answered your prayer after we JUST talked about it Monday. You have to do what you have to do- especially as a wife and what's best for your body. Either way, we will still be co-workers!"

And possibly the most obvious truth that I managed to overlook came from my old high school friend Catherine (who is now imbued with "mommy wisdom" which lends her even more credibility): "God will provide!"

So despite the equally numerous cries of, "Stay on night shift! Don't leave us!" I did e-mail my manager and put myself in the running for the position. After talking to Ross any my parents, I decided the best thing to do would be to put my name in and if it's meant to be, it will be. Que sera, sera.

In my heart of hearts, I'm already in a better mood just thinking about the possibility of living on a day shift schedule again. This certainly reinforces the fact that putting my name in was the right choice and I have to admit, it's going to be a big disappointment if someone else gets to move. I will be discouraged, but I will know that somehow, at this place in time, God wills for me to remain on night shift.

When I stop to think about it, there is no shortage of examples in which things worked out how they were supposed to, despite my best efforts to run this show my way. God truly does provide and I have been so blessed. Possibly the best example of God's will versus my will is the story of how I met Ross. Bear with me, because it's a little convoluted. Over Easter, my Uncle Pete (a dermatologist) was talking to my brother Tommy, who's in med school. I overheard my uncle talk about his organic chemistry grade and how he still remembers his disappointment in not getting an "A" decades later! Of course, I went into my bitter diatribe about Dr. Wilson and my sophomore Pathophysiology nursing class.

I had Dr. Wilson for the class and clinical portion. In the class, my first test grade was a low C (oops) but as the semester went on, I learned how to study for her tests (lots of trick questions and careful reading is required) and I earned consistently better grades each test. At the end of the semester, I had a cumulative 79.44% (absolutely no exaggeration) and Dr. Evil WOULD NOT round my grade up to a B. I know "rounding" is not a right, BUT according to the nursing school "rounding rule," which she adhered to religiously, if I'd gotten a 79.5%, it would have rounded up to a "B". Instead, I earned a "C" in a 4 credit hour class and only the slightest provocation will launch me into a "woe is me" tale regarding the whole situation.

But when I think about it, I'm more mad at her for failing me in the clinical portion of the class. I know, who fails a pass/fail clinical?! Dr. Wilson's class was infamous for holding people back in nursing school and while I'm disappointed I didn't get a "B", and least I passed. A "C" truly was average in her class and an equal number of people fell into the "B" and "D" range. In all honesty, I still DO NOT know how she justified failing me in clinical. And since that's so vague, I cling to my anger about getting a "C" instead.

Cling to my anger? Yes, it's pretty sad. When my Grandma Ginny heard me launch into the story again (it may or may not come up at several family gatherings a year), she said I really need to learn to let go of it already! My grandma is a pragmatic woman and I am trying to take her advice to heart. Then she told me something I hadn't heard before. She said she was thismany points away from a scholarship to an all-girl's college back in the day but one of her friends got it instead and my grandma (then just Ginny) stayed in Omaha to work. Of course, then she met my grandpa (then just Joe) and the rest is history!

Which brings me back to my story. By failing that clinical, I could no longer move forward in nursing school and a stagnant semester meant a late graduation. Don't get me wrong, I tried my hardest to avoid it. I took the few nursing classes that didn't require pre-requisites, I finished up my university core curriculum, I took another honors class that I loved, and I signed up for a summer Pediatric clinical to try to catch up to my peers the next fall.

Then, for reasons unknown, I struggled with that clinical as well, had numerous talks with my clinical instructor, and decided that instead of failing ANOTHER CLINICAL, I would drop out of the clinical the day before I would've had to take a "fail" or an "incomplete". I'm only slightly less bitter toward Dr. Allender, and she was my advisor, which made things more awkward.

In my defense, I got nominated for the Sigma Theta Tau Nursing Honors Society the next semester, and only a nursing instructor could have nominated me. And I could only have been initiated with high enough grades. I never struggled with clinicals or a clinical instructor since the summer of the pediatric clinical, even though I had the same clinical at the same hospital in the same unit the next fall and did fine. Nonetheless, when I didn't complete my peds clinical that summer, I was officially set to graduate late.

I lived with my friends Merrell and Heather my last full year of college (hi Merrell!) and she was getting married that June after her May 2007 graduation. I was getting kind of melancholy as all my peers prepared to graduate and I prepared to spend the summer in Fort Worth working and dreading one more semester of college. Merrell was packing up to move out a week before I did and I VIVIDLY remember running into her in the hallway one afternoon. She knew I was feeling discouraged, and said something to the extent of, "I know it's hard to watch everyone else graduating right now, but God has a reason for everything, and I can't WAIT to see what His reason is for having you graduate late!" Her comment put a spring in my step for a few days... I mean, it is pretty exciting to think that the Author of Life has a storyboard laid out just for you! But as stress piled on, I became cynical again.

A few weeks later, after a blowout argument with Heather (we have since reconciled, but our friendship, sadly, has never been the same), a hectic solo move to a renal house near school, and a run-in with a concrete step that left me with a mangled toenail (okay that sounds kind of pitiful now, but it was painful and bled a lot that day), I finally made it to Tyler, TX for bridesmaid duty in Merrell's wedding.

I met a cute groomsman named Ross at the wedding rehearsal (thanks Mark!) and despite our introverted personalities, we managed to talk to each other a few times. The details belong to another post another day, but to make a LONG story VERY short, 6 months after Mark and Merrell's wedding, I was planning a wedding of my own to the cute groomsman and I finally knew why I had to graduate late. I stayed in Texas that summer instead of graduating and moving back to Omaha because God knew a good-old Aggie boy and numerous Texas roadtrips between Amarillo and DFW (and even a first-date roadtrip from Amarillo to Ft. Worth to Tyler) were in my future.

The moral of this story is that I'm so glad God knows what he's doing! Somehow, things always work out like they're supposed to and I need to remember that.

The Bible verse that stands out to me this morning is, *Better a little with fear of the Lord than a great fortune with anxiety* Proverbs 15:16.

Just now, I flipped through my Bible to find my favorite verse from the summer I met Ross: *In his mind a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps* Proverbs 16:9. Imagine my surprise when my eyes drifted to verse 8 immediately preceding it and read, *better a little with virtue, than a large income with injustice*! My biggest hesitation about switching to day shift is, as my friend Kate says, "More bang for less buck." My mom was telling me some of her favorite times were when she and my dad were newlyweds and struggling to get by. I said, "well, we're struggling to get by as it is, but I never see Ross! How can these be some of OUR best years?"

Only God knows.


  1. Long post girl, but I know God has a plan for you and it will be better than you can plan for yourself. ;) Here's hoping for DAY SHIFT! :) xoxo

  2. You seemed this way before you two left FW, and you know, it all seems to be playing out a bit better than you gave yourself credit for.

    I must also remind you of a few conversations we had about you going to night shift and how hard it was going to be at times with you both being so busy!

    Hang in there toots, you heart and mind are in the right and God has yet to fail you since that is an impossible task. I know it seems like things will never pan out but you have already shared more than a few instances where he provided in times you thought he wouldn't.

  3. Love this post... and I love that you have chosen faith over everything arguable from a world view! God loves it when we go that route with Him and I am quite certain we will have another great blog read in a time very soon to come! Love you guys! Give that cute groomsman a hug from me!